Every American Understands

 

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“…Even in his brief remarks to reporters Tuesday, Trump made clear that his sole concern in terms of the economy is the financial markets. ‘The most important thing by far — including whether our stock market, which, by the way, is at an all-time high — but including whether our stock market goes up or down a little bit, the most important thing by far is Iran cannot have a nuclear weapon,’ he said, adding, ‘Every American understands’…”

Oh, they understand, alright, ya’ goddamn loser.
They understand that it’s Luigi Time.

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Warehouse Plans

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If you’re the kind of person who’s up to their goddamn neck with seeing millions impoverished and immiserated by capitalism (and I know I am) the news of the rash of warehouse arsons a couple of weeks back – including a $600m whomper in California – put a smile on your face.

As luck would have it, however, Trump’s blockade of the Iraninan blockade of the Strait Of Hormuz (you’re it, no tagbacks!) is pushing gasoline prices higher by the day, meaning that simple arson may soon be out of reach of your average pissed-off working-class wage slave.

So, as any good revolutionary would do – adapt!

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Victories Pour In

(That Melania doc sure was a massive W if ever there was one. 11 x 17 inch medium-res color .jpg image, 1.2mb)

Does having to close the Kennedy Center after shitting all over it count as a victory? How about making a laughingstock of yourselves by shitting your pants over a Super Bowl halftime show? Or, how about alienating most of America – and the Earth – by shitting on the remaining credibility of every major American institution? Honestly, I thought it was a parody when this stinkburger of a statement first hit Bluesky earlier this week, until I traced it down to “X” and started spotting it all over the papers about the same time. Dear god, does his staff just let the sonofabitch write his own goddamn press releases, just blurt out whatever he feels like on his tr00th.social accounts without taking him aside and giving him pointers on how not to write like a goddamn 1950s B-movie dictator? “Victories pour in”…? oh, man, you can almost imagine him mush-mouthing it out in that smarmy, 19th-hole happy-hour, three-martinis-into-it NYC real-estate hustler voice.

“Distract, depress, and divide”? Oh, christ, are they channeling Spiro Agnew now, too? And that “Don’t Be A Panican” headline – where the hell are they getting that shit? What’s the next communiqué going to open with – “Turn That Frown Upside Down”?

Sadly, the recent flurry of media rumors of El Presidente crapping his pants at a recent White House press event turned out to be false, as somehow pants-crapping seemed a perfect metaphor for the current state of American politics and society.

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What About The –

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“Now Democrats are trying to translate visceral outrage into political strategy, even though there’s little consensus on how to press forward on issues where the party has recently struggled to earn voters’ trust.”
– Matt Brown reporting at AP, 01.21.2026

“Scrambling to figure out…” says the AP headline, and that pretty much sums up what the Democratic Party is all about. Once again, as in Palestine – in a situation where the moral and ethical choices are clear to anyone, Democrats are “scrambling” to figure out what the hell they stand for – and if the DNC has to “scramble” to figure out what the proper choices are here, then it’s obvious at this point that the Democratic Party is a garbage institution which stands for absolutely jack. Whenever you hear these crawlers talking about translating outrage into “strategy”, or “harnessing” popular energy, it’s all about sucking the blood of the People’s popular movements, co-opting and shipping them off to the Movement Graveyard.

Anyone who actually follows my work here regularly will know about my personal “tradition” of the “Random 15” – that is, 15-30 seconds of whatever is being vomited out over MSNOW when I come upstairs with our first cups of the morning… and this week on “Morning Joe”, my Random 15 been one dime-a-dozen DNC “strategiest” after another, one Contributing Guest Analyst after another, clutching pearls and wailing “Oh, won’t somebody think of the MIDTERMS?” in the wake of the uprising breaking out in the face of fascist thuggery in Minnesota.

That’s really pretty much what it’s all about with these clods – not liberty, justice, prosperity, fascism vanquished, any of that cool shit – nahh, just winning another pointless-ass midterm election, hustling the People into giving their symbolic consent to rule by charlatans, defusing the power of the People and diverting it into empty useless rituals like “democracy”. The Democrats are all about defanging the People, beating back a much-needed revolution – a much-needed civil war, even – because as history teaches us, at the end of the day, Liberals are really OK with fascism.

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DC Flag Remix: #IntifadaDC

A parody of the Washington DC flag with sandwiches in place of the stripes, in honor of a guy who threw a sub at a CPB agent downtown a few weeks ago, has gone viral and a huge hit with folks in neighborhoods like Capitol Hill. All I could think of, though, was just how toothless and ineffectual my fellow Washingtonians have apparently been in the face of a hostile military occupation; basically, the only response we can muster is to throw sandwiches. No general strikes, student walkouts being proposed or organized anywhere around here? Any disobedience – civil or otherwise – being called around town? Any organizations forming anywhere around here working on plans to make this city ungovernable? Anything at all beyond throwing sandwiches, creating celebratory t-shirt art and posting stupid jokes about it on Facebook? Nope, not seeing anything.

Well, what the hell, then; while I wait for someone to drop an action call who isn’t a freshly minted Democratic Party front – like the “Free DC Project” or those “No Kings” dipshits – here’s something which might be at least a cut or two more provocative than tossing a foot-long for all my “flypasters” out there.

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1 of 3: “Intifada DC” | 2 of 3: “Free DC” | 3 of 3: No captions

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Doubts In The Donor Class

 

Ever since the last “debate”, I and millions like me are walkin’ on sunshine because finally, at long last, the mask is finally off. After that classic episode of Must-Not-Unsee TV, there’s no getting around the fact that our ruling class is entirely incompetent, that democracy and the “rules-based order” are s sham, and that Amerika and the West have fallen and can’t get up.

MSNBC, CNN and the New York Times are boiling with Liberal panic and denial right now — panic and denial so thick you can smell it through the TV set — and I can’t pretend I’m not enjoying it. Joe Scarborough was priceless; dude was shouting — like, really yelling — about how insanely awesome Joe Biden is, how he could leap tall buildings and has x-ray vision and rescued the economy and is the only thing standing between us and fascism, yelling so loudly that you could hear the echo in the studio; absolutely hilarious. You could almost see the little wisps of cartoon steam coming out of his ears.

In the “weighing how to respond” department, I hear that most rich-ass DNC donors have been upping their day-drinking game when lacking the cajones for suicide.

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Mar-A-Lago Decor

 

Well, hot damn diggety; Trump’s been indicted again, and Liberals’ nipples are exploding with delight all over the US of goddamn A. MSNBC was actually showing us continuous helicopter shots of the motorcade taking Trump to the courthouse while the anchors were babbling, just bashing our heads in with it.

Personally, I got some serious giggles about the way he went about snagging the documents and storing them — like, in the ballroom. Forgetting for a moment that that room already looks like the set of an old Hercules movie — the goddamn ballroom, f’crissake. It looked like the scene after Ferdinand Marcos was deposed from power and he and Imelda were racing around their place trying to shred all their incriminating secret documents before they fled the country — boxes of documents stacked, open and strewn all over, garbage bags full of shredded documents, jammed shredders abandoned all over the place, real amateur-hour shit.

If the Donmonster had any class at all, he’d have just hired an interior decorator to help him hide that stuff in plain sight.

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Zombie Republic

 

California... prophet on the burnin' shore... where Gavin Newsom is whipping the kids back to school so he can whip their parents back to work, where new cases of COVID-19 are up 165% in Los Angeles County at least partially due to brilliance like this:

"...Los Angeles County Sheriff Alex Villanueva stated that the mandate will not be enforced as it is 'not backed by science' and contradicts the guidelines of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), which recommends only that the unvaccinated wear masks."

— "COVID-19 cases rise by 165 percent in California since lifting of restrictions in June", wsws.org 07.22.2021

The reputation of the LAPD and the L.A. Sheriff's Department was already so deep in the toilet they couldn't possibly make it worse — until the goddamn sheriff of L.A. County decided he was going to be their goddamn doctor, too.

A hundred and sixty-five goddamn percent. 

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In Trump's Orbit

 

"In Trump's orbit" seems to be the favorite phrase of all the "cool kids" in the media right now after his positive COVID-19 test, rapidly gaining ground on the ever-popular "existential threat". Without even trying, I returned an entire page of search results from newspapers, magazines, media all over the country sporting headlines or ledes with the phrase "in Trump's orbit". You could play a drinking game with it on cable news, but you'd end up in the ER.

So, while the media were beating this poor, misbegotten phrase to within an inch of its life, I had to ask — what, exactly, is "in Trump's orbit"? The answer, of course, was instantly clear — spent rocket stages, dud rocket stages, derelict satellites, tools lost overboard from ISS spacewalks, the odd NRO top-secret payload, drifting fields of orbital collision debris, a Tesla roadster... wait, wut? 

   

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It Is What It Is

This past week, in an interview on Axios, Trump had this to say about the 150,000+ deaths from coronavirus this year: "It is what it is". You actually have to take your hat off to something like that, something so sublimely, elegantly, ferociously tone-deaf — something even worse, in fact, than Biden's immortal "you ain't Black", and that's saying something.

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Last Chance, Punk!

If you caught any of the Trumpster's speech at the UN this past week, you'll know that pretty much the only thing missing was him banging his shoe on the podium and yelling "we will bury you!".

A fake war threat juiced up with sick-ass lies, a tinhorn enemy made out to be all-powerful, repeatedly screamed claims about weapons of mass destruction, bellicose threats at the UN... jeez, just when did we hear this last time, kids? Don't everybody jump up at once...

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