Congratulations, Mr. President

You know the thing... but first, the Democrats are going to take one more crack at impeaching Trump for a cheap-ass little crime which they themselves weren't complicit in, and give themselves a chance to bitch and moan on TV about the Chud Army "impeding democracy" n'shit — because even when they "win", the Democrats are a bunch of cryin' loser bitches.

You know the thing.

10x20 inch medium-res color .jpg image, 1.8mb

Kick Me Hard

Right about now, I'm sure most of you are laughing yourselves silly at all the Progressives out there who voted for Biden under the delusion that they could "push him left", when anybody with two brain cells to rub together could take a look at his record over the past 40 years — not to mention his lineup of Cabinet picks — and see that anybody who thought they could push that sonofabitch left is on some kind of weirded-out psychedelic voyage. 

 

MABA (Make America Brunch Again)

It's this kind of clueless queefage from rich-ass Hollywood knobs like Mark Hamill which perfectly illustrates the attitude of the French aristocracy and bourgeoisie just before the head-chopping started — at last, the Democrats are back in the White House; now we can stop pretending to care about the poor and the working class and go back to brunch again. 

  

Finally, everything's back to "normal" — America is brutalizing the rest of the world, the police are terrorizing Black America, and the Liberals are beating down the Left. Time to celebrate!

10x15 inch medium-res color .jpg image, 1.1 mb

Feet To The Fire

 

This one's going out to all the Leftie media "Blue Checks" who spent the better part of the last four years ripping the mask off the Democratic Party, blowing the Russiagate grift wide open — and then chickening out at the last minute and going with Joe Biden because... harm reduction? 

Harm reduction? Really? Even knowing Gropin' Joe's record over the past 40-odd years? F'crissake, the guy practically invented harm.

Shame on you. All the goddamn shame on your asses.

10x11 inch medium-res color .jpg image, 808kb

In Trump's Orbit

 

"In Trump's orbit" seems to be the favorite phrase of all the "cool kids" in the media right now after his positive COVID-19 test, rapidly gaining ground on the ever-popular "existential threat". Without even trying, I returned an entire page of search results from newspapers, magazines, media all over the country sporting headlines or ledes with the phrase "in Trump's orbit". You could play a drinking game with it on cable news, but you'd end up in the ER.

So, while the media were beating this poor, misbegotten phrase to within an inch of its life, I had to ask — what, exactly, is "in Trump's orbit"? The answer, of course, was instantly clear — spent rocket stages, dud rocket stages, derelict satellites, tools lost overboard from ISS spacewalks, the odd NRO top-secret payload, drifting fields of orbital collision debris, a Tesla roadster... wait, wut? 

   

16x20 inch medium-res color .jpg image, 2.9mb

Instant Karma!

So, aaaanyway... everybody and their cat have been speculating for months about what they think the "October Surprise" will be in this campaign, and wot'tha FUUUUU—

Bullshit Bingo

At this point, I'm really wishing the Democrats would get some new material. They've been shoveling the same old scaremongering, guilt-tripping, alarmist hype and platitudes since at least 2000 — and I mean almost the identical stuff, except with "Trump" substituted for "Bush".

A single afternoon on Twitter served me up at least a dozen different versions of the hoary old chestnuts about the Supreme Court, the Lesser Evil, unity, and how this is The Most Importantest, Crucialest, Double-Yum Specialest Election Ever Since The Earth's Surface Cooled To A Temperature That Could Support Liquid Water, Really, Honestly It Is, We Mean It This Time. It was like 2004 all over again. 

 ...and now I'm thinking cripes, man, we could play Bullshit Bingo with this mess.  

Get your own set of 20 DNC 2020 Election Bullshit Bingo Cards after the jump:

DNC Headquarters, Nov. 4 2020

After observing the behavior and positions of Joe Biden, the Democrats, and their supporters, I'm going to go out on a limb and predict that Senator Nothing Will Fundamentally Change is going to lose, and bigly. Beaten like a drum. Roasted like a nut. Smoked like a roach. 

...and I'm going to be so goddamn there for it.

(special thanks to Gallifreyan Jedi for the inspiration.) 

"US Elections Rank Last Among All Western Democracies", Electoral Integrity Project 01.07.2017 

13 x 12 inch medium-res color .jpg image, 1.1mb

Virtual Delegate

At a shoddy-ass online shindig called the Democratic Convention, where they're shitting all over the Left by publicly rehabilitating Colin Powell and all other manner of neocon crazies and war criminals, they add the extra kick in the nuts of presenting a rank butchery of one of the most iconic protest songs of all time — with the able assistance of its composer himself. This clumsily performative shit sandwich breaks the Cringe-O-Meter handily, and will be the William Shatner Doing "Rocket Man" Footage of this era.

12x18 inch medium-res color .jpg image, 1.2mb

 

It Is What It Is

This past week, in an interview on Axios, Trump had this to say about the 150,000+ deaths from coronavirus this year: "It is what it is". You actually have to take your hat off to something like that, something so sublimely, elegantly, ferociously tone-deaf — something even worse, in fact, than Biden's immortal "you ain't Black", and that's saying something.

20x24 inch medium-res color .jpg image, 3.3mb

I Voted

Bringing up the coffee and morning paper last Sunday morning, I caught about 15 seconds of MSNBC on the bedroom TV. Some "contributing analyst" on the morning show was discussing the nationwide uprising against police terrorism and yammering about how we needed to unite "street politics" with electoral politics — which made me want to bring up my coffee again, if you know what I mean.

Cripes, what a stupid twunt. Didn't she realize that the reason we're in the streets right now is because electoral politics is a failure? I and millions of others in this country have realized that electoralism is a big, hot sloppy bucket of fail, and that it's time to get our yellow vests on and vote in the streets.

Never mind how many times I've heard rag-chewing Liberal talking heads on cable TV news flapping their cakeholes about "peaceful" protest — jeezus, I could play a drinking game with the number of times I've heard some knob on TV talking about being "peaceful". F'crissake, man — I can't think of a single time in my life when any meaningful change was brought about by people being "peaceful". Hell, the State and Capital aren't being peaceful right now; why should the People feel obligated to be peaceful? Screw "peaceful".

11x12.5 inch medium-res color .jpg image, 1.1mb

Thankyuh, thankyuhvurymuch

These days, when I think of the Democratic Party, I think of Elvis — old, fat Elvis.

I think of old, fat, bloated, flop-sweating, Seconal and Dexedrine-addled, flying to Denver for a peanut butter and banana sandwich, dead-on-his-feet Elvis circa late 1976.

11x17 inch medium-res color .jpg image, 1.7mb

The Sick Man of Earth

It's damn near official: the US is the epicenter of this pandemic, in more ways than one.

The US is waging economic warfare against Iran, Iraq, Venezuela and Cuba as they struggle to contain the pandemic in their nations, even as Cuba sends doctors to assist efforts in Italy and elsewhere in Europe. The US has also attempted to block delivery of masks and respirators to Barbados, of all places.

The US Federal government is seizing shipments of masks and ventilators destined for hospitals in Massachusette, New Jersey and other states. The Governor of New York is still cutting Medicaid funds in the middle of a pandemic — and, of course, the Democratic Party is insisting on dragging voters to the polls in person for the Wisconsin Primary, despite the horrorshow in Illinois.

Acts of war, piracy, deprivation, fraud?
It should be pretty clear by now who the real "sick man" is on this planet.

11.5 x 11 inch medium-res color .jpg image, 1.1mb

We're All In This Together

Whoever came up with that smarmy-ass slogan obviously has a poor sense of irony.

The State, the media, the Party, capitalism and the rich'n'famous are all in this together — against the People. And WE'RE all in this together against THEM.

So, let's get to it, gang.

11x14 inch medium-res color .jpg image, 1.3mb

At Last! The Left Rises!

It seems that everywhere you look around the world these days, the Left is gathering strength and taking the streets, often organizing and acting outside the constraints of standard-issue electoral politics. The issues they address are international, issues that the People can unite around worldwide: neoliberalism, austerity, fascism, militarism.

Everywhere except in the United States, that is. Here in the Evil Empire, what passes for even a merely "progressive" Left is turned inward, all about the "election", all about "beating Trump", pouring all of its available energy into getting one guy elected President. Said "sociailst" hero will, of course, once again — as in 2016 — cave at the Convention and endorse whatever vile-ass, useless centrist the Democrats want to serve up, and leave the Left with nothing.

Now, I didn't graduate PoliSci — I was just some hippie arts major — but it would seem to me their time and energy would be better spent breaking out of the prison of American electoral "democracy" and organizing and acting around the global issues and building international solidarity instead of pissing it all away on a process known to be compromised by capitalism, and rigged against the People.

9x17 inch medium-res color .jpg image, 956kb

Blue No Matter What

So, it seems that the Democratic Party has insisted on holding primaries in Ohio and Illinois — even going to court — despite the fact that THERE'S A GODDAMN PANDEMIC GOING ON. Man, those bastards must really be in a hurry to shove Gropin' Joe down our throats, huh?

Perhaps the Democrats' strategy involves ramrodding Gropin' Joe through the primaries based on the idea that most of the people who'd vote for Sanders are younger, and taking advice to self-quarantine, choosing not to risk their lives to go to the polls — while the people most likely to turn out for Gropin' Joe are of a generation with one foot in the grave already. Instead of "Blue No Matter Who", maybe the new slogan of mouth-frothing Centrist partisans should be "Blue No Matter WHAT".

11x12 inch medium-res color .jpg image, 722kb

DNC Doormat

“Unlike Donald Trump, I do not consider Vladimir Putin a good friend…”
Sen. Bernie Sanders, 02.21.2020

Bernie beats Trump, my skinny old hippie ass. Dude bends the knee to McCarthyists, tripping out of his mind on the Russiagate Kool-Aid. Meanwhile, Gropin' Joe Biden's cognitive decline is on full display, just waiting to be exploited; Trump's all over it, but Sanders…? Nahh, sonofabitch is as weak as herbal tea; Biden's deteriorating mental state is like a loaded gun on the table, but Sanders is too much of a pussy to pick the goddamn thing up and pull the trigger.

All Sanders wants to do it go along to get along. Christ, what a candy-ass. Why is he so afraid to fight dirty? We're at war here, and you don't win a war by fighting clean — you do it by back-stabbing, sucker-punching, ambushing, truck-bombing. Just ask the Viet Cong.

It's pretty obvious at this point that Sanders isn't in it to win — he's in it to waste the Left's time, to drain their time, energy and life's blood, keep them from bolting the Party, screw them at the Convention and leave them with nothing, just like four years ago.

11x13 inch medium-res color .jpg image, 667kb

Pelosivirus

I'm going to just come right out and say it: fuck Nancy Pelosi straight to Hell.

People all over the world are getting sick — many dying — from coronavirus, and now that we've got some cases in the US, Capitol Hill is finally getting off its rich, bloated ass and taking a whack at doing something about a response. In classic Pelosi fashion, the House Speaker babbled about making a vaccine "affordable". AFFORDABLE.

Never mind that many Americans may die simply because they can't afford to be tested, let alone vaccinated; the typical response from Queen Nancy is some tepid blathering about making a vaccine "affordable", whatever the hell that's supposed to mean. If the goddamn vaccine is going to be developed with tax money, then it should be free.

Say it with me, kids: fuck "affordable"; make it FREE.

11x14 inch medium-res color .jpg image, 1.2mb

In Case Of Bernie...

Looks like Bernie Sanders is on a roll already, building up steam heading into the Nevada Caucuses, and that can only mean one thing – it's time to drag out Russiagate again, and like our heroic "first responders" the US media are right on top of things, trying to put out the fire.

What really bugs me about this, though — and along with running as a Democrat, it made Sanders a non-starter for me — is how Sanders, despite all the centrist galaxy brains accusing him of being a Russian stooge, has actually been riding the Krazy Train almost since the beginning.

Really, Berners — is this your goddamn hero, the guy who's going to lead your asses out of the desert? A guy who buys into the empty Russiagate hype, lets himself be rolled and Red-baited, and then bends the knee to a bunch of McCarthyists? Really?

Christ, you guys are going to get so goddamn screwed again — screwed blue and tattooed — and I, for one, am out of sympathy for you.

11x14 inch medium-res .jpg image, 900kb

Jackpot!

What happens in Vegas isn't staying in Vegas this time, folks. The word is out about The Skanky App Developed By The Skanky App Developers Partially Funded By The Buttigieg Campaign. This time, it's another off-the-shelf Google product — an allegedly "secure Google web form" running on a batch of iPads purchased by the DNC, or "dPads", as it were.

An associate professor of CompSci at the University of Iowa promptly went into "OK Boomer" mode, blaming the age of the poll workers (70) instead of perhaps considering their over-engineered with built-in security vulns cheesy-ass Google "app" which is basically a hammer in search of a nail, and a disaster waiting to happen so obvious that it's got a goddamn lampshade hanging on it.

Gotta love this closing paragraph, though, with the money quote from some flack at the Alliance For Securing Democracy (spit) — basically, "if you're cynical about the state of American 'democracy' and refuse to participate in elections, then the terrorists win":

"Regardless of the challenges that may exist in administering the election, I think it’s incumbent on any Nevadan who wants to participate in the caucus to do so," Levine said. "If you are not participating for that reason, that’s a win for our adversaries, both domestic and foreign."

D'ahh, fuck this noise; I'm gonna go check out Lou Rawls at the bar...

11x14 inch medium-res color .jpg image, 904kb