Happy Anniversary!

So, here we are two years after the massive oil spill from BP’s Deepwater Horizon offshore rig which devestated ecosystems, fisheries and tourism along the US Gulf Coast. Our Exalted Boy Emperor and Nobel Laureate, Barack Drone Strike Obama, responded by sitting around saying nothing for a couple of weeks before giving a speech so empty and loaded with blue-sky platitudes about our wonderful energy future that he should’ve been wearing a cardigan.

Meanwhile, large numbers of eyeless shrimp and mutated fish are being caught by Gulf Coast fishing boats, Gulf fisheries are in deep decline, and not a single BP executive has served so much as a day of prison time for this crime.

Happy anniversary, everybody! Have some cake.

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…and for those of you with long-term memory issues — or, “looking forward”, as your average Democrat would say — here’s a quick recap of the Gulf Coast oil disaster:

“Spill, Baby, Spill!” 04.30.10
“Climate Change?” 05.12.10
“Plugged, At Last!” 05.29.10
“Nerobama no. 2″ 06.17.10

Chef Barack's Democratic Diner

Come join the winner of the 2009 Nobel “Iron Chef” Prize on a culinary review of three years of the Hope’n'Change Administration. Bon Appetit!

11×17 inch full-bleed medium-res color .jpg images:
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Outside spread, 664kb

Assembly instructions:
1. Print two-sided on 11×17 “full-bleed” color printer.
2. Fold in thirds so that the panel with the old Metro car and the title “Chef Barack’s Famous Democratic Diner” shows as the front cover.
3. Et voila!

Yes, We Can!

"Though I could not caution all, I yet may warn a few:
Don’t lend your hand to raise no flag atop no ship of fools!"
–grateful dead.

Y’know, I’ve been hearing a lot of desperate yammering lately from shit-scared Liberals and Fauxgressives about how I need to support our Boy Emperor Barack Martin Luther Gandhi Aquinas Timberlake Obama The One and the Noble Democratic Party in their struggle against the Evil Rethuglicans. They agonize over the Tea Party freaks and their horrible lack of “civility”, although whenever I try to point out how the Democrats have either cut and run or else actively enabled the Evil Rethuglicans’ takeover on just about every issue — Iraq, Afghanistan, the banks, healthcare, the economy, the environment, you name it — the Fauxgressives promptly proceed to pitch a fit (how uncivil of them) and only seem to be able to respond with mindless chants of “Yes, We Can!”.

Indeed — Yes, They Can:
Bomb civilians in Afghanistan and Pakistan with robotic drone aircraft. This has to be the most pussified way to fight a war you could think of. They’re using “Predator” drones to bomb homes, schools, weddings, and funerals. Funerals, f’crissake. So, where the hell are the Liberals and Fauxgressives while this shit is going on? When George W. Bush was doing it, they filled the streets; where the hell are they now that Barack Martin Luther Gandhi Aquinas Timberlake Obama The One is the one dropping the bombs?

Wiretap the Internet. It’s been reported this past summer that Boy Emperor Barack Martin Luther Gandhi Aquinas Timberlake Obama The One wants to make it easier for the FBI to obtain information about your private emails and Web surfing history as well as enable direct surveillance of Internet traffic in what is a 180° about-face from his lofty campaign promises of 2008, a return to Bill Clinton’s odious “Echelon” program defended by Democrats as “a necessary evil” (yeah, that’s right — Democrats). When George W. Bush wanted to do this, Liberals and Fauxgressives screamed so loudly you could hardly hear yourself think; where the hell are they now that Barack Martin Luther Gandhi Aquinas Timberlake Obama The One wants to spy on American citizens and suppress dissent?

Prop up the banks: Liberals and Fauxgressives like to claim that this was George W. Bush’s doing, but they conveniently forget that it was then-Senator Barack Martin Luther Gandhi Aquinas Timberlake Obama The One who was being the good “house negro” by helping round up the votes authorizing the biggest transfer of wealth from the People to the Rich in this nation’s history. The Liberals and Fauxgressives raised holy hell about this when it was going on towards the twilight of the Bush Regime; where the hell are they now that President Barack Martin Luther Gandhi Aquinas Timberlake Obama The One — with the assistance of the Democratic Party — has continued enriching the banks and Wall Street brokerages at the expense of the foreclosed-on and unemployed?

Let the Gulf Coast die: Back towards the end of last March, President Barack Martin Luther Gandhi Aquinas Timberlake Obama The One served up his “Drill, Baby, Drill” speech — although, of course, he couched it in his classic pompous professorial speaking style, not actually using the GOP faithful’s “Drill, Baby, Drill” phrase in order to avoid freaking out the Liberals and environmentalists (who supported him in ‘08 anyway despite his stated support for offshore oil drilling). Then, as BP’s Deepwater Horizon well catastrophe unfolded, the number-one recipient of campaign contributions from BP sat by and let it happen, even as BP’s attempts to stop the gusher resulted in one pathetic FAIL after another, and BP worked itself to death to keep reporters and news photographers from reporting the extent of the devestation — hell, The Boy Emperor even helped BP suppress reporters by lending the services of the Coast Guard. When George W. Bush sat on his ass and allowed the near-total destruction of New Orleans during Hurricane Katrina, the Liberals and Fauxgressives were howling at full throat; where the hell are they now that Barack Martin Luther Gandhi Aquinas Timberlake Obama The One has allowed the decimation of ecosystems and economies all over the Gulf Coast, and allowed BP to escape punishment?

Appease the Right: From Israel to trade policy to financial “reform” to healthcare, Barack Obama’s your go-to guy for pandering to rightists and Teabaggers. I’ll keep it brief here and concentrate on the prime example: the alleged healthcare “reform” which basically leaves the criminals responsible for our problems in charge. There was endless sound and fury in the media about the healthcare “debate”. Huh, some debate; nurses and activists demanding the inclusion of single-payer healthcare — the system favored by a majority of Americans — in Senate hearings on Capitol Hill were ordered ejected from the hearing room and arrested by Senator Max Baucus, Chairman of the Senate Finance Committee. Obama and his Donkeycratic cronies were so utterly desperate to pass a bill — any bill would do — that they legislated bailouts for insurance and pharmaceutical companies, sweetheart deals with the hospital industry, the compromising away of abortion rights and the supposedly-more-important-than-anything “public option” (a shallow mockery of single-payer) and a measure which forces citizens to become customers of the insurance industry no matter how broke and/or unemployed they are. Meanwhile, at the Democrats’ phony town-hall meetings where they pimped their worthless healthcare “reform”, the places were overrun with Teabaggers busting up the scene — while the Liberals and Fauxgressives just sat on their asses and whined about those mean old Teabaggers. Hell, they knew this bill was a piece of shit; why the hell weren’t they out in the streets and busting up the Democrats’ cheesy dog’n'pony shows? If George W. Bush were putting over a sham like this, you can bet the Liberals and Fauxgressives would be out for blood; where the hell are they now that this same corporate-backed fraud is being perpetrated by Mr. Hope’n'Change?

Bully the Left: I thought I’d save the best for last. During the 2008 campaign, delusional Liberals ranging all the way from United For Peace And Justice to Code Pink were drooling all over Barack Obama, a supposed “peace candidate”, based on one single weak-assed speech he gave at an anti-war rally just before the US invaded Iraq — a speech in which he said he wasn’t opposed to all wars, just “dumb wars”. WTFF? This is a peace candidate? …Fast-forward to this past September 24, when Obama’s FBI conducted raids on the homes of antiwar activists in Minnesota, Illinois and Michigan, issuing grand jury subpoenas to at least a dozen activists. Remember, this was our peace candidate — President Hope’n'Change, the man who emitted a vile “just war” speech when accepting the Nobel Peace Prize. If George W. Bush was pulling this crap, the Liberals and Fauxgressives would be busting blood vessels all over the place, but now all they can say is that we have to support the Democrats, no matter what. No matter what.

Where the hell are they now? I’ll tell you. They’re flailing and failing, able to offer nothing but warmed-over excuses and apologia for Barack Martin Luther Gandhi Aquinas Timberlake Obama The One and the Democrats, telling us that we have to support the Democrats because the Evil Rethuglicans would be worse — yeah, that’s right, we have to support the Democrats because while the GOP sucks, the Democrats suck just a little less, an excuse so lame and tired that it’s gone from amusing to annoying — and that to stay home and not vote in this, The Most Important Election Since The Earth Accreted Enough Material For Gravity To Compress It Into A Sphere, would be to invite disaster.

What, you mean we’re not in a goddamn’ disaster now?

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Nerobama no.2: Still Fiddling

OK, so I’ve ripped off one of my own cartoons that I did about a year and a half ago — and it was a cartoon that ripped off a famous painting, at that. Still, given the response of Our Exalted Leader Barack Martin Luther Gandhi Aquinas Timberlake Skywalker Obama The One to the massive man-made environmental disaster in the Gulf Of Mexico, and the incompetence and obstructionism of British Petroleum, it just seemed fitting considering the response — or, should I say non-response — of Our Exalted Leader Barack Martin Luther Gandhi Aquinas Timberlake Skywalker Obama The One to this and every critical situation that’s confronted him since taking office: basically, sitting on his ass and saying silent, making like Nero, and metaphorically fiddling while metaphorical Rome burned — fiddling while Gaza burned, fiddling while Oakland police executed a young black man on a subway platform, fiddling while home foreclosures and unemployment skyrocketed, fiddling while Wall Street ruined the economy, fiddling while Israel committed piracy and murder, and now fiddling while ecosystems and economies on the Gulf Coast are ruined for generations.

Nerobama played golf, hung out with Bono and rocked out with Paul McCartney while the Gulf Of Mexico was destroyed. Only weeks into the debacle did Our Exalted Leader Barack Martin Luther Gandhi Aquinas Timberlake Skywalker Obama The One bother to actually show his face on the Gulf Coast, only to pose for photo ops with the people actually trying to clean up the mess — with “workers” bused in by BP specifically for the photo op — and making inane pronouncements such as this one, in the Gulf Coast town of Theodore, Alabama, this past week:

Apologists for Our Exalted Leader Barack Martin Luther Gandhi Aquinas Timberlake Skywalker Obama The One will point to the fact that he got BP to agree to a $20 billion (a drop in the bucket) escrow fund to pay out damage claims to Gulf Coast residents whose homes and livelihoods were destroyed by BP. Yeah, he finally got that one little thing done, but how long did it take him? Nearly two months, that’s how long — two goddamn months of fiddling, hemming, hawing, and excuse making while BP made pathetically cartoonish attempts to plug the Deepwater Horizon blowout, bought giant ads in the newspapers, bought sponsored keywords on Google, and prevented the press from viewing or photographing the blowout site.

This is something that Our Exalted Leader Barack Martin Luther Gandhi Aquinas Timberlake Skywalker Obama The One should’ve been right on top of from day one, but instead he fiddled.

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Plugged, At Last!

Damn! Why didn't they think of this before?

Late last week, after a tedious morning of futile job-searching, I took a break to hit the news and found this excellent little piece by Al Schumann at Stop Me Before I Vote Again, one of my favorite lefty blogs, in which he proposed a solution to the BP Deepwater Horizon blowout in the Gulf Of Mexico which left a mental image that I just couldn’t un-see.

For nearly a month, BP attempted “solutions” which were just PR exercises designed to do little more than make the spill less visible from airplanes and satellites, keep the media from being flooded with images of fouled beaches, oil-soaked birds and dead fish, and make it looked as if BP actually gave a damn. Meanwhile, our Glorious Leader, Booker T. Obama, got the George W. Bush Katrina Tour of the affected areas — though he did manage to keep it classy by not telling the Minerals Management Service that they were doing a “heckuva job” — while Interior Secretary Salazar was busy enforcing an offshore drilling moratorium that wasn’t.

Meanwhile, the mental image provided by Schumann’s blog entry continued to eat into my brain. It sounded like a better and better idea the more I thought about it. Why not round up all the people responsible for the disaster in the Gulf Of Mexico, and use their bodies to plug the leak? Let’s see who we’ve got, here:

First, of course, our Exalted Boy Emperor, Booker T. Obama, a leading recipient of campaign contributions from BP, not to mention the entirety of the oil and nuclear industries. Then, of course, the Board Of Directors of BP, for caring more about profits and PR than about actual responsibility for environmental disaster and cleaning up after itself. After that, we’ve got our environmentalist nonprofit organizations, outfits like the Nature Conservancy and the Environmental Defense Fund, who entered into “partnerships” — or, to be more accurate, took payoffs — in the form of large donations from BP. Then, let’s not forget you — that’s right, you, the people who clog the highways in fat-assed SUVs, sedans and station wagons on your daily commutes, traveling one to a vehicle, while remaining silent about the American Empire’s wars of aggression in the Middle East in search of more oil. Didn’t think I’d let you off the hook, did you?

Now, that’s what I call “Top Kill”!

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Climate Change?

Ultimately, we need to move beyond the tired debates between right and left, between business leaders and environmentalists, between those who would claim drilling is a cure all and those who would claim it has no place. Because this issue is just too important to allow our progress to languish while we fight the same old battles over and over again.
– President Barack Obamessiah, “Drill, Baby, Drill” Speech, 03.31.10

Well, it certainly looks like the last cartoon has started a sizzling but happy shitstorm across the Leftie blogozone, especially at my favorite, Stop Me Before I Vote Again. So, I thought, perhaps I need to take responsibility and do something to quiet things down a bit – so, here we go: something about a topic we can all agree on, and it has Barack Obama being made to look like a big-assed Ichabod in it, and everything.

You’ll recall a couple of weeks ago, I had something to say about the Obamessiah throwing his environmentalist constituencies under the proverbial Bus with his announcement that he was joining in the zesty chorus of “Drill, Baby, Drill” in an effort to appease the Right. (Hell, it’s always about keeping the Right off their backs to the goddamn’ Democrats, isn’t it?) Well, it wasn’t a week later that suddenly the Obamessiah was reconsidering his position – or, as most of us like to say, “backpedaling”. Hah, Mr. O, I guess those debates aren’t so damn’ tired now, are they?

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