Merry Christmas!

So, after all the thrashing and banging and cheap theater, the next one-time stimulus check will be a whopping-ass means-tested $600. For all the people who are sick and dying of COVID19, who are about to lose their jobs and homes, SIX HUNDRED DAMN DOLLARS. 

Mind you, they practically broke their goddamn necks to approve a $740bn war budget, but for everybody out here sick, dying, unemployed, homeless...? SIX HUNDRED DAMN DOLLARS. 

Luckily, we all have plenty of "understanding" to pay for our rent, groceries, utilities and COVID19 shots.

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Hang In There, Baby!

God, I miss Trump already — yeah, I said it, and I'd say it again if I had to. The sonofabitch isn't even out of office yet, and I already miss him. I miss the breathtaking, aggressive stupidity, the comical blustering, and those tweets. Oh god, yeah, those tweets — every one a solid nugget of pure comedy gold.

I really was hoping for another four years of those little classics, but no luck. Instead, we're in for four years of banal, empty, platitudinous bilge — like this little stinkburger, where he takes forever just to tell us that all we'll likely get for coronavirus relief is another measly-ass $1200 check, and that otherwise we can go fuck ourselves. Christ, it looks like something off an old 1970s cat poster.

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Kick Me Hard

Right about now, I'm sure most of you are laughing yourselves silly at all the Progressives out there who voted for Biden under the delusion that they could "push him left", when anybody with two brain cells to rub together could take a look at his record over the past 40 years — not to mention his lineup of Cabinet picks — and see that anybody who thought they could push that sonofabitch left is on some kind of weirded-out psychedelic voyage. 

 

MABA (Make America Brunch Again)

It's this kind of clueless queefage from rich-ass Hollywood knobs like Mark Hamill which perfectly illustrates the attitude of the French aristocracy and bourgeoisie just before the head-chopping started — at last, the Democrats are back in the White House; now we can stop pretending to care about the poor and the working class and go back to brunch again. 

  

Finally, everything's back to "normal" — America is brutalizing the rest of the world, the police are terrorizing Black America, and the Liberals are beating down the Left. Time to celebrate!

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Feet To The Fire

 

This one's going out to all the Leftie media "Blue Checks" who spent the better part of the last four years ripping the mask off the Democratic Party, blowing the Russiagate grift wide open — and then chickening out at the last minute and going with Joe Biden because... harm reduction? 

Harm reduction? Really? Even knowing Gropin' Joe's record over the past 40-odd years? F'crissake, the guy practically invented harm.

Shame on you. All the goddamn shame on your asses.

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In Trump's Orbit

 

"In Trump's orbit" seems to be the favorite phrase of all the "cool kids" in the media right now after his positive COVID-19 test, rapidly gaining ground on the ever-popular "existential threat". Without even trying, I returned an entire page of search results from newspapers, magazines, media all over the country sporting headlines or ledes with the phrase "in Trump's orbit". You could play a drinking game with it on cable news, but you'd end up in the ER.

So, while the media were beating this poor, misbegotten phrase to within an inch of its life, I had to ask — what, exactly, is "in Trump's orbit"? The answer, of course, was instantly clear — spent rocket stages, dud rocket stages, derelict satellites, tools lost overboard from ISS spacewalks, the odd NRO top-secret payload, drifting fields of orbital collision debris, a Tesla roadster... wait, wut? 

   

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Instant Karma!

So, aaaanyway... everybody and their cat have been speculating for months about what they think the "October Surprise" will be in this campaign, and wot'tha FUUUUU—

Bullshit Bingo

At this point, I'm really wishing the Democrats would get some new material. They've been shoveling the same old scaremongering, guilt-tripping, alarmist hype and platitudes since at least 2000 — and I mean almost the identical stuff, except with "Trump" substituted for "Bush".

A single afternoon on Twitter served me up at least a dozen different versions of the hoary old chestnuts about the Supreme Court, the Lesser Evil, unity, and how this is The Most Importantest, Crucialest, Double-Yum Specialest Election Ever Since The Earth's Surface Cooled To A Temperature That Could Support Liquid Water, Really, Honestly It Is, We Mean It This Time. It was like 2004 all over again. 

 ...and now I'm thinking cripes, man, we could play Bullshit Bingo with this mess.  

Get your own set of 20 DNC 2020 Election Bullshit Bingo Cards after the jump:

DNC Headquarters, Nov. 4 2020

After observing the behavior and positions of Joe Biden, the Democrats, and their supporters, I'm going to go out on a limb and predict that Senator Nothing Will Fundamentally Change is going to lose, and bigly. Beaten like a drum. Roasted like a nut. Smoked like a roach. 

...and I'm going to be so goddamn there for it.

(special thanks to Gallifreyan Jedi for the inspiration.) 

"US Elections Rank Last Among All Western Democracies", Electoral Integrity Project 01.07.2017 

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You're Helping Trump!

OK, just so we're clear on this: if I ask the Democratic Party what plans they have to deal with any of the major issues of this Presidential campaign — or question their previous record on any of these issues — I'm helping Trump, and I'm a Russian asset. Is that more or less where we're at, here? 16 x 18.5 inch medium-res color .jpg image, 2.1mb

This Machine Kills Fascists

American protest-song legend Woody Guthrie was known for the sticker on his guitar reading "This Machine Kills Fascists".

However, the murder of unarmed Black Lives Matter protesters in Kenosha, Wisconsin by Kyle Rittenhouse — and the ongoing assaults against unarmed protesters by armed fascist thugs — have led me to conclude that there's only one kind of machine that kills fascists — and it's not a guitar. 

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Virtual Delegate

At a shoddy-ass online shindig called the Democratic Convention, where they're shitting all over the Left by publicly rehabilitating Colin Powell and all other manner of neocon crazies and war criminals, they add the extra kick in the nuts of presenting a rank butchery of one of the most iconic protest songs of all time — with the able assistance of its composer himself. This clumsily performative shit sandwich breaks the Cringe-O-Meter handily, and will be the William Shatner Doing "Rocket Man" Footage of this era.

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It Is What It Is

This past week, in an interview on Axios, Trump had this to say about the 150,000+ deaths from coronavirus this year: "It is what it is". You actually have to take your hat off to something like that, something so sublimely, elegantly, ferociously tone-deaf — something even worse, in fact, than Biden's immortal "you ain't Black", and that's saying something.

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Back To School

Capital and the State are trying to whip the working class back to work during a pandemic, but it won't be entirely successful unless they can whip the kids back to school.

Unsurprisingly, Texas and Arizona — two states leading the nation in Covid-19 cases and stupidity — are whole-hog into it.

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U.S. Out Of Portland!

Here's one in solidarity with the Moms and Dads of Portland, hitting the streets against the US invasion of their city and being radicalized in real time.

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Freedom Isn't Free

Getting up to date in our Thinning Out The Stupid Gene Department: Florida, gung-ho for reopening, beaches crowded as hell, has set a new one-day record for new COVID19 cases; even as one state after another begins mandating mask use, the governor of Georgia has stuck a blow for freedom by barring municipalities from mandating masks and, elsewhere in the Covidiot Universe, the co-founder of ReOpen Maryland — one of many groups standing up for our Constitutional right to manicures and ice cream — tested positive for COVID19 just a couple of weeks ago.

But as it's often said — Freedom Isn't Free.

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Hail To The Covids!

On top of all the uprising and rioting and pulling down statues and all that other great stuff, it looks as if Dan Snyder has finally gotten the message and is changing the name of the Washington, DC NFL franchise to something that isn't a horrid racial slur.

With a decision like this, of course, there also comes the usual flood of suggestions and proposals — and I'm certainly not one to shirk my creative duty.

I, for one, think the new name of the team should be the Washington Covids, because our policies and attitude have been like a plague around the world, and also because Americans are pretty much banned from entering any other country on Earth at this point.

And, as luck would have it, the July 8th Washington Post featured an article which basically details the moaning and wailing from NFL sponsors and TV advertisers if the pandemic precludes any chance of even actually playing a season this year. It's pretty obvious they don't really give a shit about the sport; they just need some guys playing football to put on TV so that all the corporations who flushed down all that marketing cash can show us their goddamn advertising.

So, basically, no NFL = capitalism takes a bath. Cry me a goddamn river.

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Covid Brunch

Here in Washington, DC, we're in Phase II of Pretending It's All Over And Everything's OK — that is, "reopening the economy". Right about now, some restaurants are re-opening for socially-distanced dine-in — meaning, of course, lots of waitstaff and bartenders working for crap wages plus tips, many threatened with firing, desperately trying to avoid infection by getting themselves up like dentists in order to serve maskless, feckless, blissfully ignorant bougie America.

Yet another one inspired by this classic tweet from Benjamin Dixon:

Bruh, if your waiter looks like this, that means you need to take your bourgeoisie ass home and learn to cook until this thing is over pic.twitter.com/rpcpi5inh6

— Benjamin Dixon (@BenjaminPDixon) July 1, 2020

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So Over Quarantine

All across the US, the economy is "reopening". Despite new cases hitting a new record, cities all over the country are beginning to re-open bars and restaurants so that selfish, pasty-assed, whiny, non-mask-wearing America can go out and be served by people working with little or no adequate protection for crap wages and crap benefits — or often, no benefits at all. In my own hometown of Washington DC, we're currently in Phase II of Pretending It's Over And Everything Is OK.

Bruh, if your waiter looks like this, that means you need to take your bourgeoisie ass home and learn to cook until this thing is over pic.twitter.com/rpcpi5inh6

— Benjamin Dixon (@BenjaminPDixon) July 1, 2020

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Visible From Orbit

So, as I suspected... Mayor Bowser doesn't really give a rat's ass about the MPDC terrorizing and murdering Black citizens of DC, or about protesters being tear-gassed and run off the street so Trump can do his foto op at St. John's Church, or our city being invaded by the goddamn 82nd Airborne — she just wanted to own Trump and nab some TV time.

Not even a week after painting "Black Lives Matter" in huge-ass letters taking up two blocks of 16th Street between K Street and Lafayette Park, she was browbeating the city council to "slow down" on police "reform" (clipping from Washington Post, June 11 2020).

New York City mayor De Blasio, not to be outdone, decided to name one street in each borough "Black Lives Matter Street" — after allowing the NYPD to also terrorize, beat, torture and murder New Yorkers for the better part of a week.

Still, there was no topping Bowser. All De Blasio did was put up a bunch of crummy street signs; Bowser's hypocrisy is visible from orbit.

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Blue Lives Matter

Has anyone else here noticed that almost all the major cities where horrific police atrocities are taking place are run by Democratic Party mayors?

Mind you, this is also the same party whose presumptive nominee wrote the draconian 1994 Crime Bill which imprisoned a generation of black youth, militarized the police, and which is the main reason this country is where it is today?

And I'm also still waiting for Noam Chomsky to take another whack at convincing me that I should "swallow hard" and support Joe Biden. Well, c'mon, bring it, ya doddering old fossil, 'cos I'm standing here, man.

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I Voted

Bringing up the coffee and morning paper last Sunday morning, I caught about 15 seconds of MSNBC on the bedroom TV. Some "contributing analyst" on the morning show was discussing the nationwide uprising against police terrorism and yammering about how we needed to unite "street politics" with electoral politics — which made me want to bring up my coffee again, if you know what I mean.

Cripes, what a stupid twunt. Didn't she realize that the reason we're in the streets right now is because electoral politics is a failure? I and millions of others in this country have realized that electoralism is a big, hot sloppy bucket of fail, and that it's time to get our yellow vests on and vote in the streets.

Never mind how many times I've heard rag-chewing Liberal talking heads on cable TV news flapping their cakeholes about "peaceful" protest — jeezus, I could play a drinking game with the number of times I've heard some knob on TV talking about being "peaceful". F'crissake, man — I can't think of a single time in my life when any meaningful change was brought about by people being "peaceful". Hell, the State and Capital aren't being peaceful right now; why should the People feel obligated to be peaceful? Screw "peaceful".

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George Floyd, Everywhere

It wasn't just one cop who murdered George Floyd; it was America — the same America whose knee is crushing the throat of Iran, Venezuela, and dozens of other nations around the world.

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Flyover

USAF F-16 "Fighting Falcon" as used by "Thunderbirds" aerobatic team:
Unit cost: $US29.1m; operational cost $US8k/hour

US War Budget FY 2021: $US934bn

US Total Deaths from COVID-19 (as of 05.20.2020): 90,340

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Tough Decisions at Tesla

So... after a week or two of stomping his little feet and threatening to hold his breath until he turned blue, spoiled rotten rich punk Elon Musk re-opened his Tesla plant in California in defiance of that state's "stay-at-home" order, because he couldn't stand to lose a penny of profit on his overpriced electric hot rods.

Subsequently, this past Tuesday, Sputnik International published this report on the situation headlined Tesla Workers Faced With Tough Decisions as Elon Musk Re-Opens California Factory...

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Hands Across The Sea

A quick quiz:
Name the two countries who currently lead the world in COVID-19 deaths.
Name the two countries whose public health services are the most ravaged by budget cuts and privatization.
Name the two countries whose leadership has been the most comically ignorant and incompetent in the face of this crisis.

Give up...?

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America Sends Death

Despite oppressive blockades and sanctions, Cuba has managed to dispatch brigades of doctors to coronavirus hotspots to help fight the pandemic — in keeping with a long-standing tradition of solidarity and mutual aid. Cuba is also reported to have produced promising results with interferon and other experimental drugs against COVID-19, despite the punishing economic warfare Cuba is suffering at the hands of the United States.

The US, in the meantime — still the epicenter of the pandemic — escalates its brutal program of sanctions against Cuba, Venezuela and Iran, commits acts of piracy against other nations and its own States, continues to crank up xenophobic and racist hysteria against China, deprives citizens and healthcare workers of vitally-needed PPE and other equipment, tries to whip its working class back to work under dangerous conditions for substandard wages, and its President goes on national TV to suggest that citizens combat the virus by injecting or drinking bleach.

I'll leave it to you to judge which nation is conducting itself better on the world stage.

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Capitalism Is The Pandemic

One in solidarity with the May Day strikes coming up, inspired by this graffiti in Chicago spotted about a week and a half ago.

Special thanks to @redfishstream on Twitter.

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Thankyuh, thankyuhvurymuch

These days, when I think of the Democratic Party, I think of Elvis — old, fat Elvis.

I think of old, fat, bloated, flop-sweating, Seconal and Dexedrine-addled, flying to Denver for a peanut butter and banana sandwich, dead-on-his-feet Elvis circa late 1976.

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The Sick Man of Earth

It's damn near official: the US is the epicenter of this pandemic, in more ways than one.

The US is waging economic warfare against Iran, Iraq, Venezuela and Cuba as they struggle to contain the pandemic in their nations, even as Cuba sends doctors to assist efforts in Italy and elsewhere in Europe. The US has also attempted to block delivery of masks and respirators to Barbados, of all places.

The US Federal government is seizing shipments of masks and ventilators destined for hospitals in Massachusette, New Jersey and other states. The Governor of New York is still cutting Medicaid funds in the middle of a pandemic — and, of course, the Democratic Party is insisting on dragging voters to the polls in person for the Wisconsin Primary, despite the horrorshow in Illinois.

Acts of war, piracy, deprivation, fraud?
It should be pretty clear by now who the real "sick man" is on this planet.

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We're All In This Together

Whoever came up with that smarmy-ass slogan obviously has a poor sense of irony.

The State, the media, the Party, capitalism and the rich'n'famous are all in this together — against the People. And WE'RE all in this together against THEM.

So, let's get to it, gang.

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At Last! The Left Rises!

It seems that everywhere you look around the world these days, the Left is gathering strength and taking the streets, often organizing and acting outside the constraints of standard-issue electoral politics. The issues they address are international, issues that the People can unite around worldwide: neoliberalism, austerity, fascism, militarism.

Everywhere except in the United States, that is. Here in the Evil Empire, what passes for even a merely "progressive" Left is turned inward, all about the "election", all about "beating Trump", pouring all of its available energy into getting one guy elected President. Said "sociailst" hero will, of course, once again — as in 2016 — cave at the Convention and endorse whatever vile-ass, useless centrist the Democrats want to serve up, and leave the Left with nothing.

Now, I didn't graduate PoliSci — I was just some hippie arts major — but it would seem to me their time and energy would be better spent breaking out of the prison of American electoral "democracy" and organizing and acting around the global issues and building international solidarity instead of pissing it all away on a process known to be compromised by capitalism, and rigged against the People.

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Blue No Matter What

So, it seems that the Democratic Party has insisted on holding primaries in Ohio and Illinois — even going to court — despite the fact that THERE'S A GODDAMN PANDEMIC GOING ON. Man, those bastards must really be in a hurry to shove Gropin' Joe down our throats, huh?

Perhaps the Democrats' strategy involves ramrodding Gropin' Joe through the primaries based on the idea that most of the people who'd vote for Sanders are younger, and taking advice to self-quarantine, choosing not to risk their lives to go to the polls — while the people most likely to turn out for Gropin' Joe are of a generation with one foot in the grave already. Instead of "Blue No Matter Who", maybe the new slogan of mouth-frothing Centrist partisans should be "Blue No Matter WHAT".

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Jazz Hands

JEEEzus H.W. motherfucking CHRIST. Motherfuckers came right out and said it — "We are flying blind". In the USA right now, they've tested maybe 11,000 people nationwide, a bunch of which are members of a goddamn professional basketball team.

In China, they built a goddamn hospital in six days to deal with this shit. SIX MOTHERFUCKING DAYS. In the US, we're lucky to have tested 11,000 people NATIONWIDE; meanwhile, in Korea, they're testing 20,000 people per day. Got that, boys'n'girls? TWENTY THOUSAND PEOPLE PER MOTHERFUCKING DAY.

"Flying blind", they tell us — and all they've got to offer us is "social isolation", elbow-bumping and "jazz hands". This goddamn country doesn't have a clue how to deal with a problem if we can't fucking BOMB it.

Shit, man — shove your jazz hands up your jazz ass.

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DNC Doormat

“Unlike Donald Trump, I do not consider Vladimir Putin a good friend…”
Sen. Bernie Sanders, 02.21.2020

Bernie beats Trump, my skinny old hippie ass. Dude bends the knee to McCarthyists, tripping out of his mind on the Russiagate Kool-Aid. Meanwhile, Gropin' Joe Biden's cognitive decline is on full display, just waiting to be exploited; Trump's all over it, but Sanders…? Nahh, sonofabitch is as weak as herbal tea; Biden's deteriorating mental state is like a loaded gun on the table, but Sanders is too much of a pussy to pick the goddamn thing up and pull the trigger.

All Sanders wants to do it go along to get along. Christ, what a candy-ass. Why is he so afraid to fight dirty? We're at war here, and you don't win a war by fighting clean — you do it by back-stabbing, sucker-punching, ambushing, truck-bombing. Just ask the Viet Cong.

It's pretty obvious at this point that Sanders isn't in it to win — he's in it to waste the Left's time, to drain their time, energy and life's blood, keep them from bolting the Party, screw them at the Convention and leave them with nothing, just like four years ago.

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Pelosivirus

I'm going to just come right out and say it: fuck Nancy Pelosi straight to Hell.

People all over the world are getting sick — many dying — from coronavirus, and now that we've got some cases in the US, Capitol Hill is finally getting off its rich, bloated ass and taking a whack at doing something about a response. In classic Pelosi fashion, the House Speaker babbled about making a vaccine "affordable". AFFORDABLE.

Never mind that many Americans may die simply because they can't afford to be tested, let alone vaccinated; the typical response from Queen Nancy is some tepid blathering about making a vaccine "affordable", whatever the hell that's supposed to mean. If the goddamn vaccine is going to be developed with tax money, then it should be free.

Say it with me, kids: fuck "affordable"; make it FREE.

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In Case Of Bernie...

Looks like Bernie Sanders is on a roll already, building up steam heading into the Nevada Caucuses, and that can only mean one thing – it's time to drag out Russiagate again, and like our heroic "first responders" the US media are right on top of things, trying to put out the fire.

What really bugs me about this, though — and along with running as a Democrat, it made Sanders a non-starter for me — is how Sanders, despite all the centrist galaxy brains accusing him of being a Russian stooge, has actually been riding the Krazy Train almost since the beginning.

Really, Berners — is this your goddamn hero, the guy who's going to lead your asses out of the desert? A guy who buys into the empty Russiagate hype, lets himself be rolled and Red-baited, and then bends the knee to a bunch of McCarthyists? Really?

Christ, you guys are going to get so goddamn screwed again — screwed blue and tattooed — and I, for one, am out of sympathy for you.

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Jackpot!

What happens in Vegas isn't staying in Vegas this time, folks. The word is out about The Skanky App Developed By The Skanky App Developers Partially Funded By The Buttigieg Campaign. This time, it's another off-the-shelf Google product — an allegedly "secure Google web form" running on a batch of iPads purchased by the DNC, or "dPads", as it were.

An associate professor of CompSci at the University of Iowa promptly went into "OK Boomer" mode, blaming the age of the poll workers (70) instead of perhaps considering their over-engineered with built-in security vulns cheesy-ass Google "app" which is basically a hammer in search of a nail, and a disaster waiting to happen so obvious that it's got a goddamn lampshade hanging on it.

Gotta love this closing paragraph, though, with the money quote from some flack at the Alliance For Securing Democracy (spit) — basically, "if you're cynical about the state of American 'democracy' and refuse to participate in elections, then the terrorists win":

"Regardless of the challenges that may exist in administering the election, I think it’s incumbent on any Nevadan who wants to participate in the caucus to do so," Levine said. "If you are not participating for that reason, that’s a win for our adversaries, both domestic and foreign."

D'ahh, fuck this noise; I'm gonna go check out Lou Rawls at the bar...

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Up Against The Wall

This is pretty much my prediction for the New York Primary, based on the revelations from a recording of former New York City Overlord and prospective White House purchaser Mike Bloomberg leaked by blogger and podcaster Benjamin Dixon, in which Bloomberg defends NYC's horrific "stop and frisk" measures directed at poor communities and communities of color in NYC.

There's An App For That

Well, that sure was some skanky-ass to-do we had out in Iowa this week. Sanders was looking really good to take it, but then they suddenly "delayed" the results because of an issue with a skanky vote-reporting app — a skanky app coded by a skanky company operated by old Hillary campaign stooges and which has also worked for the Buttigieg campaign.

I'm so not into the tinfoil hat thing, but when the DNC announces their new "troll hunting" campaign against "disinformation" on the Internet, and then their vote-tracking app built by a bunch of Hillary hacks implodes as Mayo Pete declares himself the winner — kinda like that Guaido guy — you just can't help thinking something is really, really stanky around here.

Imagine throwing together a complex Google Form and calling it an "app" and getting $100k+ for it.

This is what happened in Iowa and will happen in Nevada.

The company that made the "app" is made up of Hillary flunkies who used https://t.co/ledmOPqJQ5, a "no code" platform.

— Andrew Saturn (@badspaceguy) February 4, 2020

You couldn't expect less from an outfit called Shadow, Inc. Look out, Nevada.

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Vote Undead

Like sands through the hourglass... so are the days of our Jack. DC City Councilman Jack Evans — you will recall — was recently forced to resign his Council seat in disgrace after a wave of scandals including the WMATA Board Of Directors and Colonial Parking.

So, slimy Jack — predictably, somehow — has filed to run again for the City Council seat he was recently forced to resign from in disgrace... you will recall... Oh, for the days when disgraced politicians had the class and decency to go away and stay gone...

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Out! Out, damned spot!

Man, it sure has been a helluva week for Fauxcohantas, huh? The Politico hit-piece smears on Sanders that blew up in her face, the roasting that she and CNN are getting for the treatment they gave Sanders at the Democratic Debate, the wave of requests for donation refunds so big it choked the servers at ActBlue... Fauxcohantas is going down like the Hindenburg, and I can't pretend I'm not enjoying it.

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Media, Bloody Media

Not even in the sickest depths of Iraq War v2.0 did I hear anyone in the media quite this wide-open raving, drooling and horny for war as ex-White House henchman and current right-wing radio howler Sebastian Gorka. Dude totally sails over the edge of the Earth, comes around the other side, proclaims the US to be a "hyperpower", then sails over the edge again on — who else but — Lou Dobbs' program on Fox Business.

The guy is scum to the bone — just check him out for a few seconds — but you still have to give him credit for having the sheer naked cajones to come right how and declare how horny he is for war in the public media. Dude's not even hiding it; big ups for that, at least.

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DNC 2020: The Whine of the Century

Here's one for all you "Blue No Matter Who" Kool-Aid guzzlers, in honor of our esteemed ex-Vice President. It's appalling, but it's not as if we hadn't already figured it out. At last the sons of bitches finally just came right out with it.

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The Other "Thin Line" Flag

820 Americans were shot and killed by police in 2019. Happy New Year.

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