So, this week, about two and a half months into this horror, it finally dawned on Genocide Joe and the New York Times that relentlessly bombing the ever-lovin’ piss out of a practically defenseless civilian population which is at least half children in a genocidal campaign of ethnic cleansing might cause you some PR issues down the road…
To think that all the arduous years I spent assiduously avoiding dropping a “fallen and can’t get up” gag could be undone by this single column at The Cradle last week. If Amerika’s imperial batshittery in Ukraine hasn’t totally wrecked our rep with the rest of the Earth, than our enabling Israeli butchery in Palestine pretty much ripped our mask the rest of the way off.
We’ve fallen, and we can’t get up.
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For real, serious — the USA and Israel are obviously 110% on the wrong side of history, millions around the Earth are standing together against their butchery, and the only response that the USA, Israel and their media flunkies can muster is to basically just scream back at us to shut up and then try to pretend we don’t exist. If it weren’t so disgusting, it’d be even more hilarious; these bastards have built themselves a seriously goofy alternate reality and are determined to stay in it even while it’s collapsing on them. It’s as if they actually know how much of the Earth actually believes their shit, but it’s all they got, so they have to stick with it.
Meanwhile, yesterday saw the “National March For Israel” polluting my neighborhood — from all accounts, spit in the ocean compared to the waves of uprising going on against their fascist asses and, as I’d guessed, the likes of MSNBC were absolutely all over this horseshit this morning. I could almost smell Joe Scarborough & krew soaking their panties on the air as they swooned over that gaggle. “Politicians, celebrities, hostages’ family members joined thousands…” they gushed all morning today; the MSNBC anchor didn’t even bother to tamp down the schoolgirl pride welling up in her voice. The celebrities included alleged actress and veteran Left basher extraordinaire Debra Messing, which ought to tell you something.
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So, late last week, I’m hearing all this bullshit bubbling in the news about Genocide Joe calling for a “pause” in the Israel-Palestine “conflict”
so that the hostages can get out safely — god bless their exceptional
asses — and maybe also so that any Palestinians remaining who are
actually able to move can also get out, and probably end up being bombed
on the highway to the refugee camps, or bombed at the camp once they
get there, or both; thanks so much, Joe.
And as I was starting to work on this piece the night before the big mobilization for Palestinian solidarity here in DC this past Saturday, I was seeing a lot of chatter on the Web about how Israel should be expelled from the United Nations for this horror — an excellent idea, though they’d never get it through because Israel’s big, fat, rich asshole Uncle has veto power at the Security Council. Still, what an awesome thought — drum the bastards outta the UN.
But, aaaanyway, yeah; El Presidente wants a “pause”.
“Pause”, my goddamn ass. Time to hit “Stop” and “Eject”. Israel is the scuffy, overplayed, worn-out, hissy old British post-punk mixtape tangled up in the Earth’s 1989 cassette/CD combo boombox, and no pencil made can save it.
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The ongoing, escalating roaring of bloodthirsty racism in support of Israeli thuggery in Gaza — speaking of mass shootings — put me in mind of a book of cartoons entitled “America’s Black & White Book”, published during World War I by an artist named William Allen Rogers, in particular one of the “greatest hits” from that book, a ripe little nugget entitled “Another Case Of Wiping Hands On The American Flag”, a classic rendition of the “Filthy Dirty Huns Kill Children” genre of the WWI era. Rogers was arguably one of the most raving, drooling, jingoistic warmongering editorial cartoonists of that era — sort of a poor man’s James Montgomery Flagg — and drew for the New York Herald, arguably one of the most raving, drooling, warmongering newspapers in the US of that era.
Their presentation nowadays may be slicker, their media more sophisticated, their rhetoric a little more refined, their approach a little classier, but if you strip it to the core it’s the same old shit they’ve been serving up since the Spanish-American War, at least: filthy dirty Huns are killing babies, filthy dirty Huns are throwing babies out of incubators, dirty filthy Huns are beheading babies… you get the idea.
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So, like any halfway-decent vile-ass racist early-stage war hysteria, the mouth-frothing claims of rape and baby-killing always get the most mileage — as always, all the way back to the goddamn Lusitania.
You can imagine my total lack of anything resembling surprise, of course, when the claims turned out to be total bullshit served up by some IDF lackey who’d already been involved in some skanky-ass shit in the settlements.
So, finally, the CNN “journalist” responsible issues a public apology — for being caught lying on the air, AGAIN… but not after the likes of Gropey Joe Biden, the New York Post, MSNBC, Fox News, Rupert Murdoch’s rags, and everybody and their goddamn uncle have blasted it all over the goddamn world — and in the same fashion that US and Western media have always lied to promote their wars, whether it’s the Tonkin Gulf, Kuwaiti Incubator Babies, Weapons Of Mass Destruction, Yellowcake Uranium, Russiagate, the Mariupol Theatre Bombing, the Uyghur Muslims, and now this horseshit.
Oh, and of course, our gal at CNN was “misled” — always, always, they’ve been “misled”, like the Representatives and Senators who jumped aboard the Iraq War bandwagon back about 20 years ago, and had themselves a big ol’ party, thinking they had an easy win until all their shit went sideways on ‘em, and suddenly they were cryin’ in the media about how they were “misled”. They knew it was a metric shit-tonne of lies and bought into it anyway — then got their asses busted, and suddenly they were “misled”, the cryin’-ass losers.
But, sure, I’M the one who’s spreading “disinformation”.
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In the words of the immortal John Cleese, my nipples exploded with delight to hear that Palestine was punching the bullies back, and in such spectacularly and totally boss fashion.
And in totally standard fashion, Israeli state mouthpieces are screeching about how this is their Nineleven™, how Hamas came for their babies — pretty much the usual response… never fails — when you punch the bully back, the little punk runs crying to the principal. Meanwhile, at MSNBC, some clown who sounded like he was still in college mentioned how this conflict has been going on “since time immemorial”. Shame I couldn’t pull Junior aside to remind him that the Nakba occurred in 1948, within the memories of many people still living, and that 1948 is not “time immemorial” (before I smacked the living shit out of him).
I can’t pretend I’m not enjoying this, but I don’t know which part of it I’m enjoying more — the idea that the resistance fighters would paraglide in, or watching one Western media babbler after another shitting themselves on the air over the fact that ZOMG THEY’RE USING PARAGLIDERS, THE BASTARDS.
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Between the unanimous standing O’s in the Canadian Parliament for former Waffen SS thug Yaroslav Hunka, Trudeau’s weak-ass mea culpas and their tippety-top general still refusing to apologize for applauding the sonofabitch and doubling down on the “fuck you”, I gotta say — I can’t pretend I’m not enjoying this. The vaunted Western World showed us its whole entire pasty, pimply, naked ass that day, and if you still #StandWithUkraine after THIS, then I don’t know what else to say to you indoctrinated losers.
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Holy crap, but Monseiur Macron and Le Uncle Sam sure have taken a crème brulée pasting in the past month, huh? Between France being chased out of Niger, one of Obama’s old buds being bounced out of Gabon, ex-French colonies all over Africa ditching the CFA Franc like it was radioactive… I can’t pretend I’m not enjoying the former French Africa rolling out the guillotines for Macron, I’ll tell ya’ that for free.
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Yep, I heard Americans were kinda missing being in quarantine and out of work with no safety net; friends, family and neighbors getting sick and dying, science denialists going apeshit, government and media blaming China for everything, so here I am — back again, Amerika, right when you’re trying to stir up a world war and inflation’n'austerity are crushing the shit out of you, and your influence is cratering and you’ve just been made a global fool of and you’re cruising for comeuppance, yeah — heard ya’ missed me, so I’m back to fvck your shit up, Amerika.
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So, to recap: Apparently due to power utility malfeasance, wildfires break out on the island of Maui, State of Hawaii. Many Hawaiians die and are still dying, from all reports. Catching up with President Gropey Joe in Drunken College Dipshit Central — aka Rehoboth, Delaware — reporters asked El Presidente about the Maui situation, to which he replied “no comment” and clambered on into his Presidential Escalade.
It may be unlikely to guess the final death toll in Maui, but it’ll be easy enough to guess the total death count from the $200m in refills for their fancy truck-mounted rocket launchers to keep up their ongoing, Ukrainian meat-grinding “Duck Soup” Offensive.
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A recent report by Rania Khalek at Breakthrough News got me inspired to find out just how much each of the tanks cost which were smeared by Russia in Zelensky’s recent “Duck Soup” Offensive — and subsequently redesign the European Union flag.
Whooaaa… that much, huh? So, just how much of the value of your average European’s labor was stolen from them to build a bunch of these bad boys to arm up gangs of Nazi hillbillies? How much more of their healthcare and other social programs will they be giving up in order to #StandWithUkraine?
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Well, kiddies, for those of you following the little Democracy™ game, it’s no secret that DNC voters are about as enthusiastic over Joe Biden next year as they’d be over having to eat glass. So, for all those desperate Dems who can’t seem to bust out of the electoral prison, the idea of a primary challenge sounds made of awesome.
So, who do they get — a fresh, bold progressive insurgent in the Bernie Sanders mold? Nahh, hell no, man — they get a xenophobic antivax Kennedy spawn and a bougie self-help guru who’s the “spiritual adviser” to Oprah. OPRAH, f’crissake. Hell, man, if that’s not a prime qualification for the White House, I’d like to know what is.
Hello, Second Trump Administration.
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This is a piece I’d sketched out earlier but originally tossed for being too complex, too obscure an issue… but then, a couple of weeks ago I was reading about how BRICS was strengthening, “de-dollarization” was spreading, how the spread of de-dollarization was starting to get people shook on the Hill and how this means the issue might finally break out into public media, and about how the BRICS countries were contemplating creating an alternate reserve currency and — and suddenly, that goofy-ass dollar-bill parody gag was starting to look pretty good…
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Still smarting from MSNBC’s thrilling re-enactment of the O.J. Simpson Police Chase on
the day of Trump’s arraignment, my daily random 15 seconds of MSNBC the
other morning included the morning babblers queefing out the phrases
“above the law” and “rule of law” more times than I could count. All I
could think of in that moment was Richard Nixon, who committed a metric
shit-tonne of crimes against international law and the U.S. Constitution
and who avoided an impeachment trial and accountability by resigning;
and George W. Bush, a thug with a record as long as his goddamn arm who
not only avoided accountability through impeachment and the
International Criminal Court, but who also scored a one-man show at the
goddamn Kennedy Center.
But naahh; nobody is above the law. Somebody hold me back.
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Well, hot damn diggety; Trump’s been indicted again, and Liberals’ nipples are exploding with delight all over the US of goddamn A. MSNBC was actually showing us continuous helicopter shots of the motorcade taking Trump to the courthouse while the anchors were babbling, just bashing our heads in with it.
Personally, I got some serious giggles about the way he went about snagging the documents and storing them — like, in the ballroom. Forgetting for a moment that that room already looks like the set of an old Hercules movie — the goddamn ballroom, f’crissake. It looked like the scene after Ferdinand Marcos was deposed from power and he and Imelda were racing around their place trying to shred all their incriminating secret documents before they fled the country — boxes of documents stacked, open and strewn all over, garbage bags full of shredded documents, jammed shredders abandoned all over the place, real amateur-hour shit.
If the Donmonster had any class at all, he’d have just hired an interior decorator to help him hide that stuff in plain sight.
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And so, yet another Debt Ceiling Wrestlemania comes to a close — and as predicted, the ruling class gets the payoff, Zelensky gets new toys, and we get austerity.
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Yeah, I know the Florida Legislature Dancing And Cake Story broke nearly 2 weeks ago, but at the time, I was busy finishing the job of “Finishing The Job”.
So, aaaa-aanyway… if the almighty Fact-Checking Industrial Complex is to be believed, the dancing was not at the end of the session, but before they settled down to the business of otherizing, criminalizing, villifying and immiserating a major portion of the whole goddamn state with a legislative horrorshow.
Luckily for me, though, the part of the story that was true was the cake part. According to this big, hot steamy bucket of gloat in the DC Enquirer*, a Florida legislative staffer mocked protesters at the State Capitol at the time by eating cake at their desks in front of them.
So, it seems that just this once, the cake is not a lie.
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*CONTENT WARNING: Yet another fascist rag in DC — as if the Examiner and the Times aren’t enough; article cites Andy Ngo tweets, and some shit-take dropping fascist tool declaring “Make America Florida”. They did, however, get the cake-eating part right.
It is with anxiety, chagrin and dread that I present this, my first cartoon of the 2024 Presidential “election” slog…
…and despite the massive disappointment and lack of enthusiasm of huge swaths of Democratic voters, Gropin’ Joe announced his re-election campaign kickoff with a promise to “finish the job”… at which point yours truly, like millions of others, is cringing and asking themselves: what job would THAT be — immiserating the poor and the working class? Terrorizing immigrants and bullying our next-door neighbors? Fattening up the war profiteers and Wall Street? Beating down anti-war dissent in public media? Dragging us into World War III?
Lotta big jobs to finish there, Joester; guess you’re going to need four more years to thoroughly screw things up, huh?
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Apropos of entirely nothing, really… just stumped for a gag, smoking and doodling at an ungodly hour the other night, vaguely inspired by this alarmist headline in the Washington Post, though this cartoon was not at all intentionally related to the whole debt ceiling pissing contest on the Hill this week… and while I’m at it — is it a cliff, or the ceiling? Quit jerking us around, Washington Post.
I also fully confess to an equally boneheaded literal interpretation of the whole beat-ass “cliff” metaphor. Hell, I’m old enough to remember the FIRST time around with that “cliff” horseshit.
…and besides, if you really take a good, close, hot steamy gawk at Biden’s real priorities — and the current attitude of the American general public towards more unemployment, inflation, war and austerity — you couldn’t exactly say we were “drifting”.
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“With a test like this, success comes from what we learn, and we learned a tremendous amount about the vehicle and ground systems today that will help us improve on future flights of Starship. Thank you to our customers, Cameron County, and the wider community for the continued support and encouragement. And congratulations to the entire Space team on an exciting first flight test of Starship!”
— SpaceX statement 04.20.2023“Where’s the KABOOM?
There was supposed to be an Earth-shattering KABOOM!”
— Marvin The Martian
So, I was hitting some sativa bud and banging my head on the table the other day trying to shake loose a decent France uprising cartoon, and THIS weirdness fell out. I’d given up on a France cartoon at the moment and was just doing my daily space geekery, reading about the spectacular SpaceX launch failure and the attendant “hah, I MEANT to do that” spin from SpaceX, when I found my train of thought wandering to the Twitter valuation crash and the Paid Blue Check shitshow and was suddenly, like…
…like, yeah; Musk was really laughing off the Twitter valuation and the hot mess about the paid Blue Check accounts that’s been all over the news lately, and then a day or two later another one of his goddamn Starship tests goes sideways on him and the SpaceX PAO flacks are babbling a bunch of balloon juice about how much they learned today, and it was one of those moments of inspiration and serendipity that screamed “quit twisting your panties trying to think of a France cartoon for a moment and jump on THIS shit, man! Here it is!” Like, yeah — crashing and burning, in metaphor and reality.
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Those of you who know me well enough have heard me often joke about my now-customary Daily Accidental Random 15 Seconds Of MSNBC. For the past two weeks or so, it’s been the Donald Trump Indictment Show almost 24/7, to the exclusion of everything else going on in the world — uprising in France, poisoned air and water in Ohio and Indiana, Pentagon leaks exposing Amerika’s ugly naked ass over its action in Ukraine, you name it.
One morning about a week or so back, for the entire 15 seconds it took me to bring in Mrs. F’s coffee and Washington Post to the master bedroom, the babbling anchorbabe creaming her panties over the Trump indictment must’ve burbled the word “democracy” at least a dozen times. Normally, I’d suggest a drinking game, but I wouldn’t want to be responsible for anyone ending up in the ER after trying to throw back a shot every time some talking Barbie doll queefed out the word “democracy” on MSNBC.
The really hysterical thing is that — as per usual in this goddamn town — the Pushing Wing of the Party is more than willing to instigate the arrest and trial of a former guy — uhh, former President who leads the Shoving Wing of the Party, but not for any actual crimes against the People, as the leaders of the Pushing Wing of the Party are entirely complicit and would expose themselves. So, a cheap-ass sex scandal it is — again.
And what especially sucks is that the sonofabitch will never, ever see the inside of a prison cell for any crime ever, because the Democrats need him to run against. Hell, why provide a viable progressive alternative when you can just make up an enemy to jerk the Left back into line, amirite? LBJ never went to trial for any crimes, or Nixon, or Reagan, or Clinton — hell, George W. Bush not only never stood trial for his crimes, he got a goddamn one-man show at the Kennedy Center. Bah, fuck art.
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JEEEEEEzus christ, man, wotta goddamn shitshow, huh? Not that anyone with two synapses to rub together could tell you that the US boss media were pulling it straight outta their ass, that it wasn’t a “spy balloon” and probably not even Chinese, given the US media’s record over the past 30, 40 years.
Finally, about 2 weeks into this Mel Brooks movie, the Pentagon Amateur Hour crew starts shuffling and backpedaling and stammering like Porky Pig that well, OK, it wasn’t really dangerous and probably not a surveillance balloon after all — and while that’s going on, a bunch of Top Gun wannabes piss away $2m worth of our tax money shooting down what was probably some kid’s science project, likely to get Marjorie Taylor-Greene to shut the hell up. And btw, when a fascist freak like MTG is allowed to sit in Congress and yell for something to be shot down as if it were “Call Of Duty” or something, you know your Rules-Based Order™ is circling the shitter.
So, if you’re thinking that Uncle Joe’s handling of this and other foreign policy batshittery he’s stoking up is looking more and more like a rejected Pinky And The Brain plot — except that P & the B actually had their shit together a little more — join the club, kiddos. Hell, the Chinese were showing more class in their little finger than the US and the West at large, who spent the last 2 weeks filling every pair of BVD’s in the drawer.
Ha haahhhhh, NARF.
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My daily accidental random 15 seconds of MSNBC has become more and more hilarious by the day lately, because balloons. The teleprompter readers are absolutely apoplectic about the freakin’ BALLOONS which are supposedly from ZOMG BAD EVIL CHINA. Except now, they prefer to refer to them as “unidentified objects” for some reason likely related to the volume of snickering coming from the general public at the sight of corporate media drones panting, drooling and soaking their panties over the prospect of an F16 shooting down A FREAKIN’ BALLOON.
OK, so we’re shooting down UFO’s now, is that it? I’m guessing they decided to stop mentioning that they’re balloons because people were laughing so goddamn hard they didn’t hear the propaganda and didn’t get as scared as they were supposed to. So, now we’ve got four of ‘em, and the last three were “unidentified”? And are we supposed to be more alarmed about allegedly being surveilled by China than we are about being surveilled for sure by at least half a dozen agencies in our own goddamn country?
Balloons, y’all. Freakin’ BALLOONS. Or, I guess they’re UFO’s now, then.
And, does this mean that China is the source of UFO’s? And so what have we got on ice at Area 51, then — not space alien bodies at all, but just some frozen Chinese guys?
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So, a couple of days ago I’m taking my morning walk up and down Constitution past the Taft Carillion, and I spot a bunch of these posters splattered all over the neighborhood. Of course, while I’m obviously delighted at the sight of these, I’m amazed and confused at the use of a tweet from our shiny new Speaker Of The House regarding US military spending.
Mind you, I’m not bullshitting myself about McCarthy or anything, but the irony of a GOP House Speaker stopping the Donkeycrats from dragging us into another forever war in Big Israel is just so goddamn deee-lish that I can’t hardly stand it.
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“In 2020, U.S. Congress imposed secondary sanctions on banks that processed transactions related to the Nord Stream 1 and 2 pipelines and on ship insurers that serviced them.
When construction of Nord Stream 2 was finished in 2021, Washington imposed new sanctions on insurance and certification companies to keep it from opening.
Finally, both pipelines were sabotaged in an undersea explosion in September 2022.
As a result, the industries that had made Germany preeminent in Europe, such as steel, chemicals, machinery, and automotives, are suffering from high energy costs and the loss of Russia’s aluminum, titanium, and palladium.
As a consequence, one in four German companies is considering moving production to other countries, amid the energy crisis…”
— Renate Bridenthal at the Geopolitical Economy Report, 01.10.2023
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