Access Excess

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I can’t even begin to pretend to care about the Donster kicking MSNOW (the artist formerly known as MSNBC) and CNN (aka ZNN) out of the White House. The anchor dollies at MSNOW can’t seem to shut the hell up about how their voices are being stifled and how the First Amendment is being threatened by the denial of access to the Donster’s daily raving’n’drooling press conferences consisting of demented propaganda babbling and not much else, and their inability to dutifully record said raving’n’drooling to parrot back at the addled masses… or, as it’s known in the USA, “journalism”.

Yeah, y’sure heard that right; the people who gave us Kuwaiti Incubator Babies, Iraqi WMDs, Iraqi Yellow Cake Uranium, the Uyghur Muslims and Russiagate – and have spent the last three years beating down public dissent against the Gaza genocide – are screaming and yelling about free speech ‘cos they can’t get a spot at the Donster’s White House media circle-jerk. You’ll pardon my giving sub-zero fucks about any of those kiss-asses.

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Sea Of America

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For any Fascists or other Trumpsters who may be looking in, I’m just gonna nip this shit in the bud right the fuck now, just ‘cos I can kinda’ see where this is headed…

The old names of the lunar “mare” were names given to them by ancient astronomers who had weak ‘scopes at best and who at first believed the solidified dark basaltic lava plains to be “seas”.

So, don’t even go there, ya’ doorknobs.

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There's No "P" In Our Ool

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When I first peeped that aerial shot on Reuters, it wouldn’t leave my mind.

On the one hand, it’s another bucket of your garden-variety shallow-ass Liberal pearl-clutching at seeing the Evil Orange Man giving the job of restoring the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool to a company which contributed heavily to his campaign and which promptly turned the project into a National Lampoon movie.

On the other hand, though – the part that wouldn’t leave me after seeing that Reuters foto – on a much deeper level than simply Trump doing his usual nouveau-riche alcoholic country-club vulgarian shit, it was much more symbolic of an empire in rapid decline, possibly even already at the point where the Emperor is appointing his horse to the Senate. It doesn’t so much say something about Trump specifically as it does about American society, culture and institutions in general.

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Tap The Brakes

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Trump taps the brakes…? “Taps the brakes”? JEEzus, they’re really breaking the Goofy Meter over at the Washington Times these days.

F’crissake, that bloated-ass smashmouth sonofabitch probably hasn’t done his own driving for a single day of his goddamn life.

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Every American Understands

 

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“…Even in his brief remarks to reporters Tuesday, Trump made clear that his sole concern in terms of the economy is the financial markets. ‘The most important thing by far — including whether our stock market, which, by the way, is at an all-time high — but including whether our stock market goes up or down a little bit, the most important thing by far is Iran cannot have a nuclear weapon,’ he said, adding, ‘Every American understands’…”

Oh, they understand, alright, ya’ goddamn loser.
They understand that it’s Luigi Time.

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Victories Pour In

(That Melania doc sure was a massive W if ever there was one. 11 x 17 inch medium-res color .jpg image, 1.2mb)

Does having to close the Kennedy Center after shitting all over it count as a victory? How about making a laughingstock of yourselves by shitting your pants over a Super Bowl halftime show? Or, how about alienating most of America – and the Earth – by shitting on the remaining credibility of every major American institution? Honestly, I thought it was a parody when this stinkburger of a statement first hit Bluesky earlier this week, until I traced it down to “X” and started spotting it all over the papers about the same time. Dear god, does his staff just let the sonofabitch write his own goddamn press releases, just blurt out whatever he feels like on his tr00th.social accounts without taking him aside and giving him pointers on how not to write like a goddamn 1950s B-movie dictator? “Victories pour in”…? oh, man, you can almost imagine him mush-mouthing it out in that smarmy, 19th-hole happy-hour, three-martinis-into-it NYC real-estate hustler voice.

“Distract, depress, and divide”? Oh, christ, are they channeling Spiro Agnew now, too? And that “Don’t Be A Panican” headline – where the hell are they getting that shit? What’s the next communiqué going to open with – “Turn That Frown Upside Down”?

Sadly, the recent flurry of media rumors of El Presidente crapping his pants at a recent White House press event turned out to be false, as somehow pants-crapping seemed a perfect metaphor for the current state of American politics and society.

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What About The –

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“Now Democrats are trying to translate visceral outrage into political strategy, even though there’s little consensus on how to press forward on issues where the party has recently struggled to earn voters’ trust.”
– Matt Brown reporting at AP, 01.21.2026

“Scrambling to figure out…” says the AP headline, and that pretty much sums up what the Democratic Party is all about. Once again, as in Palestine – in a situation where the moral and ethical choices are clear to anyone, Democrats are “scrambling” to figure out what the hell they stand for – and if the DNC has to “scramble” to figure out what the proper choices are here, then it’s obvious at this point that the Democratic Party is a garbage institution which stands for absolutely jack. Whenever you hear these crawlers talking about translating outrage into “strategy”, or “harnessing” popular energy, it’s all about sucking the blood of the People’s popular movements, co-opting and shipping them off to the Movement Graveyard.

Anyone who actually follows my work here regularly will know about my personal “tradition” of the “Random 15” – that is, 15-30 seconds of whatever is being vomited out over MSNOW when I come upstairs with our first cups of the morning… and this week on “Morning Joe”, my Random 15 been one dime-a-dozen DNC “strategiest” after another, one Contributing Guest Analyst after another, clutching pearls and wailing “Oh, won’t somebody think of the MIDTERMS?” in the wake of the uprising breaking out in the face of fascist thuggery in Minnesota.

That’s really pretty much what it’s all about with these clods – not liberty, justice, prosperity, fascism vanquished, any of that cool shit – nahh, just winning another pointless-ass midterm election, hustling the People into giving their symbolic consent to rule by charlatans, defusing the power of the People and diverting it into empty useless rituals like “democracy”. The Democrats are all about defanging the People, beating back a much-needed revolution – a much-needed civil war, even – because as history teaches us, at the end of the day, Liberals are really OK with fascism.

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TrumpGas

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‘They can still see his headless body stalking through the night
In the muzzle flash of Roland’s Thompson gun’
– Warren Zevon, “Roland The Headless Thompson Gunner,” 1978

This old chestnut from my crazed student daze wasn’t really historically apropos to this cartoon, but it was stuck in my head the whole time I was working on it. It was in our Dorm Top Forty in senior year, when I was drawing in the Yipster Times and my buds and I were getting ready to pie the Dean. I couldn’t begin to explain it; the sonofabitch just kinda leaped out of my memory, cranked to 11.

But, let’s just put those old giggles aside for now, and take ourselves a zesty, steamy gawk at the front page of Pravda On The Potomac from last Thursday (as I write this) – or, as I called it, the “Venezuela Special”. JEEEEzus CHRIST, willya LOOK at that goddamn mess. The main head on the front-page lead piece on the Donster’s latest yo-ho-ho’ing looks as if they’re in on the Cheer For Bullying, Piracy And Thievery Without Actually Cheering For Bullying, Piracy And Thievery Challenge – nothing if not the internal agonizing and mental pretzel-twisting of my imperialist Liberal friends’n’fam made publicly visible. They’re actually in favor of something the Donster is doing, and so they’re just going all splungy. So, what’s he gonna do with the goddamn tanker, now – open his own gas-station chain? “TrumpGas”? He’s already started up his own social-media site and plastered his name all over all kinds of shit, why not gas stations? “You can trust your car to the man who…”

…but, enough of that; let’s move on to the featured foto on the left, where the true hilarity ensues – in which The Courageous Venezuelan Opposition Leader* Who Looks Like The Villainess In A Telenovela And Who Begged Trump To Invade Her Country And Who Can’t Come Out Of Hiding To Accept Her Cracker Jack Peace Prize Sends Her Daughter Instead.

*Note that here, as in all cases, the phrase “opposition leader” in the US press is a stand-in for the phrase “USAID, NED and multiple-corporate-backed right-wing US stooge”.

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All I Want For Christmas

 

…history also remembers those who refused resignation. Those who spoke in the cadence of resistance, who dared to describe the world not as the powerful narrated it, but as the oppressed lived it.
–Peter McLaren at Orinoco Tribune, 11.29.2025

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What really amuses me about all this – besides the fact that the Defense Secretary sounds as if he got lost on the way to ComicCon – is that all the imperialist Liberals out there are strangely silent. I mean, c’mon, peeps – isn’t this what you wanted? Wreck and occupy the place and nab all of our oil that Venezuela had under their country? I mean, that has to be the real mission, after watching the Donster pardon some crooked-ass coke-dealing Honduran politician who was said to have claimed he would shove the cocaine up Americans’ noses personally, or some whacked shit.

Perhaps I don’t watch enough MSNBC – oh, sorry, MSNOW – but all the imperialist Liberals in my life have been real, real, real goddamn quiet. I mean, y’all wanted to get rid of that popularly-elected socialist government which has actually been working to give the People what they want and refuses to suck Uncle Sam’s dick – oh, I’m sorry; that corrupt, brutal dictator, huh? They’re always “brutal dictators” with these Liberals …and you just know the People love Maduro when a rank, fashy rag like the New York Times says that he’s “clinging to power”.

Sometimes, I think it might almost be worth the risk of annihilation to watch Amerika get its ass sucked into another quagmire in Latin America against Russia and China. A ringside seat for the collapse of the Empire would be really sweet.

Hooray for Santy Claus.

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Lord Of The Files

 

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With a big ol’ School Book Depository Anniversary Day salute to all you poor-ass marks who showed out for this shit show. For me, personally, it just wasn’t worth a whole goddamn day of hanging out listing to bitter Democrats and fauxgressives shitting all over the Left in the drizzling goddamn damp for maybe a half-hour set of Dropkick Murphys at the end of it all.

Doubtless, aforementioned marks’ nipples are certainly exploding with delight at the prospect of the DNC apparatchiks on Occupied Capitol Hill finally getting their damp, stanky little mitts on ZOMG TEH FILES… and meanwhile, I keep wondering how many Palestinians were murdered today while the Democratic Party and the New York Times and MSNOW keep yelling their goddamn faces off about Jeffrey Goddamn Epstein.

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Engraved Ammunition

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“Sources say…” BWAH HA HA HA HAAHHH, “authorities believe” …”sources say” …after the shooter was revealed to be not trans or antifascist at all but just another goddamn fashy punk. Well, waddya know about THAT shit? Of course, that didn’t stop august rags like the London Times or the Washington Times or the New York Post from shoving the truth aside, ignoring the damage and keepin' right on truckin’, like Tom and Daisy in Gatsby.

And, of course, the Canadian Parliament never fails to come through. Remember a couple of years ago, when they gave a Standing O to a former Waffen SS soldier because he fought the Russians (current Official Bad Guys) in World War II – on the fascist side? But, still… sonofabitch fought the Russians, so let’s show him some Standing O love, peeps.

They really do seem to be going hard on this shit right now, though; they must still be pretty shook from the Brian Thompson capping. Well, no matter – no amount of spin-doctoring, scolding, browbeating, threatening or gaslighting will stop me expressing my boundless joy at the spectacular death of an oppressor.

Sorry, Charlie.

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DC Flag Remix: #IntifadaDC

A parody of the Washington DC flag with sandwiches in place of the stripes, in honor of a guy who threw a sub at a CPB agent downtown a few weeks ago, has gone viral and a huge hit with folks in neighborhoods like Capitol Hill. All I could think of, though, was just how toothless and ineffectual my fellow Washingtonians have apparently been in the face of a hostile military occupation; basically, the only response we can muster is to throw sandwiches. No general strikes, student walkouts being proposed or organized anywhere around here? Any disobedience – civil or otherwise – being called around town? Any organizations forming anywhere around here working on plans to make this city ungovernable? Anything at all beyond throwing sandwiches, creating celebratory t-shirt art and posting stupid jokes about it on Facebook? Nope, not seeing anything.

Well, what the hell, then; while I wait for someone to drop an action call who isn’t a freshly minted Democratic Party front – like the “Free DC Project” or those “No Kings” dipshits – here’s something which might be at least a cut or two more provocative than tossing a foot-long for all my “flypasters” out there.

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1 of 3: “Intifada DC” | 2 of 3: “Free DC” | 3 of 3: No captions

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Really, Really, Really

Oh, f’crissake, you goddamn fashy tools. You heard the sonofabitch yelling all over the goddamn place about what he was going to do if he got back into office, you heard all the big plans, right…? But you still supported the bastard because THE PRICE OF EGGS…? …like you all were actually totally OK with all the other shit as long as the price of your goddamn carton of eggs came down? C’mon; y’all didn’t actually think he was going to get that price of eggs thing done, did you?

Like the Liberals suddenly running from the Gaza genocide as if it were a house on fire, collaborationist motherfuckers like you aren’t getting away this easy. If you supported Trump, you support “this”.

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"Iron" Dome

Almost as if somebody threw a switch someplace, Western media were suddenly awash in fotos and video of bombed-out buildings and people weeping for lost and missing loved ones and agonizing over the trauma of having to hole up in basements all night in… Tel Aviv.

Yes, that’s right, the capitol of the most reviled nation on Earth, led by a skeezy cabal of psychotic genocidal fascist murderers, trained and funded by an equally skeezy cabal of psychotic genocidal fascist murderers — is begging us to “not remain silent” and stand with Israel as they get some well-deserved payback at last.

All my pals and I are hashtagging this happy fun time #Karmageddon.

Cry me a goddamn river, motherfuckers. Iran’s got yer number.

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Resistencia California

In solidarity with our freedom fighters in the Battle Of Los Angeles.
Time to support OUR troops.

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Making Life Multiplanetary

“Some may focus on the lows, but behind the efforts of Starship – and other programs like New Glenn, Neutron, Vulcan, Terran, Stoke, etc – is a massive space economy taking shape: tens of thousands of jobs, billions in private investment, all aimed at truly opening the last great frontier.

When these capabilities arrive, they will spearhead a new era of exploration and discovery – and the lows will become a chapter in a much longer story.”

– Jared Isaacman, Trump NASA Administrator Nominee, 05.28.2025

I saw the news of the latest SpaceX Starship explosion with a complete lack of surprise a few days ago, and it had me somehow flashing back to Musk’s performance at that post-Inaugural shindig, and his bluster about putting boots on Mars… and a joyful, iconic moment on the Moon, waaayyyy back when I was an awestruck kid of 15.

Donald's Drive-Thru

Though actually quite grim and cringe as hell, I found this news sickeningly funny somehow, in ways reminiscent of the big-ups drum beating Sept 2005 BLS jobs report the month after Hurricane Katrina. Y’think Microsoft was hoping Mickey D’s would pick up some of that layoff headcount?

Then, of course, is the cringingly upbeat economic hard-sell in the Mickey D’s announcement featuring the new Labor Secretary, and the obvious clumsy-ass tap-dancing they’re going to have to do around our new quack-ass Health & Human Services Secretary – especially seeing as Big Mac’s is one of El Presidente’s favorite brands.

You deserve a break today!

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No Coherent Message

Yeah, that’s right — a wannabe Mussolini has just bullied his way into the White House and is terrorizing the country, his Seig-Heiling rocket-powered dildo-building buddy has basically stolen the keys to the Treasury and is getting ready to loot the place, and the Democratic Party… has no coherent message.

No coherent message. Like, not even “fuck you”. Like, they got nothing.
Nothing.

(thanks, Ken Klippenstein)

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Fashionably Fashy

“Not a single Roman work of art — sculpture, coinage, or painting — displays a salute of the kind that is found in Fascism, Nazism, and related ideologies… It is also unknown to Roman literature and is never mentioned by ancient historians of either republican or imperial Rome. The gesture of the raised right arm or hand in Roman and other ancient cultures that is attested in surviving art and literature had a significantly different function and is never identical with the modern straight-arm salute.”
— Martin Winkler, in “The Roman Salute: Cinema, History, Ideology”

…just in case you run into any fashy apologists or Musk symps trying to explain it away by saying it’s a “Roman Salute”.

So just cut the crap already, ‘cos all the wide-open fash are wide-open loving it and — like the original — the Early 21st sequel also features craven-ass collaborators, in the form of the Democratic Party.

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Hair Of The Dog

Yeah, yeah, I know… but the only way to properly express the mood of this piece was to set it in a dark, grim mid-20th dive, with a permanently-circulating ceiling haze and ashtrays you could cave someone’s head in with.

Dude should know by now that that old wives’ cure never works. He’s heading for a king-size Trumpover.

It’s a quarter to three.

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