Beheaded Baby

So, like any halfway-decent vile-ass racist early-stage war hysteria, the mouth-frothing claims of rape and baby-killing always get the most mileage — as always, all the way back to the goddamn Lusitania.

You can imagine my total lack of anything resembling surprise, of course, when the claims turned out to be total bullshit served up by some IDF lackey who’d already been involved in some skanky-ass shit in the settlements.

So, finally, the CNN “journalist” responsible issues a public apology — for being caught lying on the air, AGAIN… but not after the likes of Gropey Joe Biden, the New York Post, MSNBC, Fox News, Rupert Murdoch’s rags, and everybody and their goddamn uncle have blasted it all over the goddamn world — and in the same fashion that US and Western media have always lied to promote their wars, whether it’s the Tonkin Gulf, Kuwaiti Incubator Babies, Weapons Of Mass Destruction, Yellowcake Uranium, Russiagate, the Mariupol Theatre Bombing, the Uyghur Muslims, and now this horseshit.

Oh, and of course, our gal at CNN was “misled” — always, always, they’ve been “misled”, like the Representatives and Senators who jumped aboard the Iraq War bandwagon back about 20 years ago, and had themselves a big ol’ party, thinking they had an easy win until all their shit went sideways on ‘em, and suddenly they were cryin’ in the media about how they were “misled”. They knew it was a metric shit-tonne of lies and bought into it anyway — then got their asses busted, and suddenly they were “misled”, the cryin’-ass losers.

But, sure, I’M the one who’s spreading “disinformation”.

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Barbie Anchorbabe presents: The BarbWire

 

Those of you who know me well enough have heard me often joke about my now-customary Daily Accidental Random 15 Seconds Of MSNBC. For the past two weeks or so, it’s been the Donald Trump Indictment Show almost 24/7, to the exclusion of everything else going on in the world — uprising in France, poisoned air and water in Ohio and Indiana, Pentagon leaks exposing Amerika’s ugly naked ass over its action in Ukraine, you name it.

One morning about a week or so back, for the entire 15 seconds it took me to bring in Mrs. F’s coffee and Washington Post to the master bedroom, the babbling anchorbabe creaming her panties over the Trump indictment must’ve burbled the word “democracy” at least a dozen times. Normally, I’d suggest a drinking game, but I wouldn’t want to be responsible for anyone ending up in the ER after trying to throw back a shot every time some talking Barbie doll queefed out the word “democracy” on MSNBC.

The really hysterical thing is that — as per usual in this goddamn town — the Pushing Wing of the Party is more than willing to instigate the arrest and trial of a former guy — uhh, former President who leads the Shoving Wing of the Party, but not for any actual crimes against the People, as the leaders of the Pushing Wing of the Party are entirely complicit and would expose themselves. So, a cheap-ass sex scandal it is — again.

And what especially sucks is that the sonofabitch will never, ever see the inside of a prison cell for any crime ever, because the Democrats need him to run against. Hell, why provide a viable progressive alternative when you can just make up an enemy to jerk the Left back into line, amirite? LBJ never went to trial for any crimes, or Nixon, or Reagan, or Clinton — hell, George W. Bush not only never stood trial for his crimes, he got a goddamn one-man show at the Kennedy Center. Bah, fuck art.

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Balloonacy (don't panic!)

JEEEEEEzus christ, man, wotta goddamn shitshow, huh? Not that anyone with two synapses to rub together could tell you that the US boss media were pulling it straight outta their ass, that it wasn’t a “spy balloon” and probably not even Chinese, given the US media’s record over the past 30, 40 years.

Finally, about 2 weeks into this Mel Brooks movie, the Pentagon Amateur Hour crew starts shuffling and backpedaling and stammering like Porky Pig that well, OK, it wasn’t really dangerous and probably not a surveillance balloon after all — and while that’s going on, a bunch of Top Gun wannabes piss away $2m worth of our tax money shooting down what was probably some kid’s science project, likely to get Marjorie Taylor-Greene to shut the hell up. And btw, when a fascist freak like MTG is allowed to sit in Congress and yell for something to be shot down as if it were “Call Of Duty” or something, you know your Rules-Based Order™ is circling the shitter.

So, if you’re thinking that Uncle Joe’s handling of this and other foreign policy batshittery he’s stoking up is looking more and more like a rejected Pinky And The Brain plot — except that P & the B actually had their shit together a little more — join the club, kiddos. Hell, the Chinese were showing more class in their little finger than the US and the West at large, who spent the last 2 weeks filling every pair of BVD’s in the drawer.

Ha haahhhhh, NARF.

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Nearly 90 Percent

Y'know, it's truly amazing when clowns like these just come right out and say it, and seem so obviously bummed about it — like, just exactly Whiskey Tango Foxtrot is wrong with nearly 90 percent of the goddamn Earth, anyway? Can't they see we're fighting for democracy? Bwah ha ha ha ha ha hahhh. 

Perhaps it's because nearly 90% of the Earth has already seen the USA in action in Iraq, Afghanistan, Somalia, Korea, Guantanamo, My Lai, Abu Ghraib, Nicaragua, El Salvador, Bolivia, Cuba, Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

Perhaps it's because unlike nearly 100% of Americans, nearly 90% of the rest of Earth isn't a bunch of goddamn indoctrinated idiots. Does anybody here remember the "Coalition Of The Willing"?

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Little Twee Library

I don't know about your city, but here in the tonier 'hoods of DC, the Little Free Libraries are a big thing. Sounds really sweet and noble and grassrootsy mutual-aidy n'shit until you get a load of what's actually in the goddamn things. It's basically the kind of instantly-obsolete stuff you used to see stacked on the sidewalk in front of the fence in front of the house with a little post-it note reading "FREE" — old college textbooks, trendy disposable political tomes, pseudo-academic shartage by "public intellectuals", cute trendy late '00s millennial YA novels, trendy child-rearing stuff, trendy self-helpy shit, people unloading all the John Grisham and James Patterson novels they bought to read on the plane... Sure as hell didn't see anyone giving away their copies of On The Road or To Have And Have Not or Sirens Of Titan or Ché Guevara's Motorcycle Diaries or anything, y'know...?

Information Terrorist

…Some three weeks after Schumer helped push the (Ukraine aid) bill into law, on July 14, Andriy Shapovalov, a Ukrainian civil servant whose salary was paid for by U.S. taxpayer monies, convened a “round table” in Kiev on “countering disinformation.”

Shapovalov, in his role as the acting head of Ukraine’s Center for Countering Disinformation, published a list of the names of 72 people whom he accused of deliberately spreading disinformation about Ukraine. Shapovalov labelled them “information terrorists,” adding that Ukraine was preparing legislation so that such people can be prosecuted as “war criminals.”

—Scott Ritter, reporting at Consortium News, 08.03.2022

Yeah, kids, isn’t that a flabbergaster? One helluva humdinger of a doozy. I thought Biden — who never met a US war of aggression he didn’t like — had pretty much destroyed my Goofy Meter when he called Putin a “war criminal”, but this shit’s got Goofy Meters exploding worldwide.

Just so we’re clear — any journalist reporting the truth from on the ground, any journalist or essayist whose reporting or opinions contradict the official US/NATO Western media narrative? That’s right, an “information terrorist”, a “war criminal”. Ben Norton? Aaron Maté? Rania Khalek? Alina Lipp? Eva Bartlett? Lee Camp? Yep, that’s right. Information terrorists, war criminals.

The Gallup numbers, which I peeped not soon after, really drove the goofiness home. After 70-odd years of lies about Hiroshima, the Tonkin Gulf, My Lai, Cambodia, Laos, the Drug War, Kuwaiti incubator babies, Iraqi WMD’s, Afghanistan, Havana Syndrome, Russiagate, trust in US media is at an all-time low, and I’m an “information terrorist” for doing these goddamn cartoons? I’M a goddamn “war criminal” for calling out the US state and media on their lies?

Bwah ha ha ha ha hah. The West™ can’t collapse a day too soon for me.

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Ode To Joy

Y’know that stupid game you play with fortune cookies in which you read the fortune out loud and add the phrase “in bed” at the end…? Well, that’s apparently the favorite little fun game with the brain-rotted US media with regard to China, especially at the Olympics this past week — find any news of any positive achievement of or any news that reflects well on China, and the US Boss Media will be right on top of it with their shallow bitching and moaning about “human rights”, trot out their victims of the week, fling some over-hyped apocryphal stories around and wail “but at what cost”?

The front page of the Washington Post — where Democracy died long ago and is now beginning to smell really pungent in darkness — put on quite a show this past Saturday, pissing and moaning about the job the Chinese did of keeping covid under control during the Olympics, claiming that it “kept the joy out of the Games” and at “great mental and financial costs”. It was a headline so galling that I had to just kind of stand there in the front hall, slack-jawed, sputtering and giggling as I read and re-read it.

I was almost in awe of it, somehow — a gaggle of hacks from a corporate mouthpiece in the seat of the US Empire, which had twice as many covid-19 deaths last week than China had all of last year, is having a tantrum about China taking the steps any responsible government should do during a public health emergency, filling its pants about how it took the joy out of the Olympics. Myself, I think any “joy” issues our friends here had came more from the shock of being shown up by a Chinese-American who chose to ski for China, and by a government which treats healthcare as a public good rather than a commodity.

Yeah, shame those horrid, awful Chinese commies took appropriate action to mitigate the spread of an infectious pathogen and took a little bit of the “joy” out of it for you — not nearly as awesome as here in the good old USA, where we’re joyful and free and lost nearly a million people to covid19 last year.

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Media, Bloody Media

Not even in the sickest depths of Iraq War v2.0 did I hear anyone in the media quite this wide-open raving, drooling and horny for war as ex-White House henchman and current right-wing radio howler Sebastian Gorka. Dude totally sails over the edge of the Earth, comes around the other side, proclaims the US to be a "hyperpower", then sails over the edge again on — who else but — Lou Dobbs' program on Fox Business.

The guy is scum to the bone — just check him out for a few seconds — but you still have to give him credit for having the sheer naked cajones to come right how and declare how horny he is for war in the public media. Dude's not even hiding it; big ups for that, at least.

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TV Talking Head Quote/Meme Template Art

Fresh off the drawing board, a new quote/meme template for all those favorite TV news talkers' hot shit takes on Twitter and elsewhere. Included here is a "serving suggestion" on the letter-size screen-resolution meme/quote template. The typeface here is Gotham family Book and Medium, but any clean, modern sans-serif face will work.

Aside from the quality of the journalism, another thing I hate about TV these days is the total lack of satisfaction you get from snatching your set off the table and pitching it through the window into the street. Those old CRT sets with the big-ass tube and the transformer in 'em had some real mass, and required a major revolutionary commitment to pick that sucker up and heave it.

Blank templates:
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Letter-size screen resolution .jpg image for Web, blogs, social media, 264kb

2017: We Don't Need No Water

Here it is, the whole kaboodle, the whole shitshow, the whole kahuna, a big hot sloppy bucket of 2017 In Cartoons.

• Dinnertime For Democrats, January
• Peak Liberal, February
• In Solidarity With Eaten Fish, March
• Won't Somebody Think Of The Children, April
• Nobody Expects The Russia Investigation, May
• Tinfoil Hatter, June
• Mother Of All Bombs, July
• Google Censorship: 100% "Toxic", August
• Houston, We Have A Problem, September
• Outlaw Democracy, October
• The Latest Russiagate "Smoking Gun", November
• The Most Busted Name In News, December

...and throw the dumpster fire metaphor in there while you're at it.

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