Barbie Anchorbabe presents: The BarbWire

 

Those of you who know me well enough have heard me often joke about my now-customary Daily Accidental Random 15 Seconds Of MSNBC. For the past two weeks or so, it’s been the Donald Trump Indictment Show almost 24/7, to the exclusion of everything else going on in the world — uprising in France, poisoned air and water in Ohio and Indiana, Pentagon leaks exposing Amerika’s ugly naked ass over its action in Ukraine, you name it.

One morning about a week or so back, for the entire 15 seconds it took me to bring in Mrs. F’s coffee and Washington Post to the master bedroom, the babbling anchorbabe creaming her panties over the Trump indictment must’ve burbled the word “democracy” at least a dozen times. Normally, I’d suggest a drinking game, but I wouldn’t want to be responsible for anyone ending up in the ER after trying to throw back a shot every time some talking Barbie doll queefed out the word “democracy” on MSNBC.

The really hysterical thing is that — as per usual in this goddamn town — the Pushing Wing of the Party is more than willing to instigate the arrest and trial of a former guy — uhh, former President who leads the Shoving Wing of the Party, but not for any actual crimes against the People, as the leaders of the Pushing Wing of the Party are entirely complicit and would expose themselves. So, a cheap-ass sex scandal it is — again.

And what especially sucks is that the sonofabitch will never, ever see the inside of a prison cell for any crime ever, because the Democrats need him to run against. Hell, why provide a viable progressive alternative when you can just make up an enemy to jerk the Left back into line, amirite? LBJ never went to trial for any crimes, or Nixon, or Reagan, or Clinton — hell, George W. Bush not only never stood trial for his crimes, he got a goddamn one-man show at the Kennedy Center. Bah, fuck art.

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Balloonacy (don't panic!)

JEEEEEEzus christ, man, wotta goddamn shitshow, huh? Not that anyone with two synapses to rub together could tell you that the US boss media were pulling it straight outta their ass, that it wasn’t a “spy balloon” and probably not even Chinese, given the US media’s record over the past 30, 40 years.

Finally, about 2 weeks into this Mel Brooks movie, the Pentagon Amateur Hour crew starts shuffling and backpedaling and stammering like Porky Pig that well, OK, it wasn’t really dangerous and probably not a surveillance balloon after all — and while that’s going on, a bunch of Top Gun wannabes piss away $2m worth of our tax money shooting down what was probably some kid’s science project, likely to get Marjorie Taylor-Greene to shut the hell up. And btw, when a fascist freak like MTG is allowed to sit in Congress and yell for something to be shot down as if it were “Call Of Duty” or something, you know your Rules-Based Order™ is circling the shitter.

So, if you’re thinking that Uncle Joe’s handling of this and other foreign policy batshittery he’s stoking up is looking more and more like a rejected Pinky And The Brain plot — except that P & the B actually had their shit together a little more — join the club, kiddos. Hell, the Chinese were showing more class in their little finger than the US and the West at large, who spent the last 2 weeks filling every pair of BVD’s in the drawer.

Ha haahhhhh, NARF.

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Oh, the balloonity!

My daily accidental random 15 seconds of MSNBC has become more and more hilarious by the day lately, because balloons. The teleprompter readers are absolutely apoplectic about the freakin’ BALLOONS which are supposedly from ZOMG BAD EVIL CHINA. Except now, they prefer to refer to them as “unidentified objects” for some reason likely related to the volume of snickering coming from the general public at the sight of corporate media drones panting, drooling and soaking their panties over the prospect of an F16 shooting down A FREAKIN’ BALLOON.

OK, so we’re shooting down UFO’s now, is that it? I’m guessing they decided to stop mentioning that they’re balloons because people were laughing so goddamn hard they didn’t hear the propaganda and didn’t get as scared as they were supposed to. So, now we’ve got four of ‘em, and the last three were “unidentified”? And are we supposed to be more alarmed about allegedly being surveilled by China than we are about being surveilled for sure by at least half a dozen agencies in our own goddamn country?

Balloons, y’all. Freakin’ BALLOONS. Or, I guess they’re UFO’s now, then.

And, does this mean that China is the source of UFO’s? And so what have we got on ice at Area 51, then — not space alien bodies at all, but just some frozen Chinese guys?

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