That Old '08 Magic

Ever since the beginning of the current Presidential "election" campaign cycle -- lo, those many eons ago -- the media have been buzzing about the problems the Democrats are facing keeping their supporters energized the way they were in 2008. Endless hours of airtime are packed with hack pundits and party mouthpieces scratching their heads and pretending to have no idea what the problem is when, actually, it's so goddamn' obvious that you just want to reach into your TV set and smack the shit out of those people.

Thankfully -- and, somehow, sadly -- The Onion is providing the most accurate reporting on the Democrats' 2012 campaign. Check it out. You'll laugh, you'll cry.

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Do You Feel Lucky?

The other night, a nasty old man got up in front of the whole country and yelled at a chair for upwards of five minutes. Normally, I’d consider this a new all-time low in American politics, except that the Democratic Convention hasn’t started yet.

This was the first time ever in my entire life that I saw a crazy old man yelling at inanimate objects who wasn’t immediately snatched up by the cops and thrown into a psycho ward.

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Tranquillity

When Neil Armstrong died last Saturday, my boyhood finally officially ended.

By all rights, flags all over this country should be lowered to half-staff in honor of one of the last real American heroes, but it would still be meaningless, because no one can lower the one flag that really matters.

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And now, one more time, for all you young'uns out there: